Bit O' Red Dirt

The point is, to live Everything

2012-01-09T02:55:00.000-06:00

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
  and to try to love the questions themselves  
as if they were locked rooms
or books written in a very foreign language.   
Don’t search for the answers,
which could not be given to you now,   
because you would not be able to live them.

  And the point is, to live everything.    

Live the questions now.   
Perhaps then, someday in the future,  
you will gradually,  
without even noticing it,
 live your way into the answer.
  ~ Rilke

Thoughts for a New Year and a Review of the Last

2011-12-31T01:23:00.003-06:00

I did a quick post with a few creative photos over at Squirrelly Ducks. It touched lightly on some things I want to try to do in the next year.

Here are a few blogs I follow that inspire me, that make me want to try these new things.
Healing Woman
A Moveable Feast
The Red Tin

Sculpting, really sculpting not just molds or caricature type figures. I may never get fantastic at this, but I want to take the time to at least try. I'd love beyond belief to be able to use stone and earth clays to make statuary for my yard and garden, but have no idea where I'd find some place to kiln fire it for outside use. This may segue in to cement design of sorts.

Mosaics and mosaic tiling has caught my thoughts for several years, but I've yet to try my hand at it. I don't like all styles of mosaic, still trying to figure out what it is about the ones I like and the ones I don't. The idea of mosaic treasures made by me scattered in the yard and possibly counter or wall designs in the house thrills me.

Weaving. Accomplishing this one may take a bit of time, I'll need to figure out how to make a simple loom that I can work well with. It is something I have always wanted to do, but know it won't turn in to any major thing. Like knitting, crocheting, quilting... I like knowing I can do it, I enjoy doing it when I get around to it. There's something so satisfying in making some thing that has a solid, every day useability. While I don't do them often, it makes a warm spot in my heart that I'm carrying on "old ways/crafts".

Paper media and art journal are also on the list of "to get around to doing". I've always loved blank books, so many possibilities waiting to appear in them. Again, not some major area but one I want to explore.

I am such an eclectic artist working in so many different mediums. Maybe one of these days I'll narrow down, but there always seems to be one more thing to figure out how do they DO that? I finally get the difference between being a "crafter" and being an "artist", but I still believe they can both apply to the same thing. I wonder if that is where artisan crafter comes in?

It's been an interesting year. I've learned that while I enjoy doing round robins and collaborative projects they tend to drain my creative energy from doing my own thing. This past year I have done a lot of work on other people's projects/items and next to none on my own. There's still a few of the round robins to wrap up, but then the project board is all mine. After a lot of thought, I think this next year I'll sit out working on those kinds of things. Draw my focus in a bit and see what I can accomplish directing my own creative energy instead.

I love that I took a step outside of my box and joined a Crazy Quilt group, even though a small one with only three other Ladies. Sadly, CQ is another of those things that once involved with I'll tend to not do much of. I still look forward to the monthly meetings though and will continue enough with CQ to keep involved with them. I'm thrilled to be part of the Central Oklahoma Polymer Clay Guild and so looking forward to my first Twisters retreat with them, another huge step outside my box.
I think this last year has been a good learning lesson in figuring out balancing my hermit tendency with joining in these particular groups for social and learning opportunities.

I want to get back with my horses, working on their training and getting them under saddle. We'll see how that goes though, some times I think I need to get out of horses all together due to health reasons then I swing back the other way and can't imagine life with out them.

There will be decluttering and rearranging in the house, buildings hopefully built or repaired this year, maybe a bit of small remodeling/painting in the house, a garden to tend and maybe some flower beds again. Oh and of course, there will be the Grandbaby.... I'm guessing that is going to be a big chunk of my time this year too.

Guess we'll see what the New Year brings.
May it be full of joy and bright days for all of us.

Ravens fly

2011-12-06T00:34:00.005-06:00

“I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen, of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were, with morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair.”

from; The Lord of the Rings – J.R.R. Tolkien

Winter has come and while I have no fire there is plenty of time to sit with a cup of tea thinking.

Discovered this quote on One Small Stitch. Combined with several blogs I follow with free form stitching and small piecing of fabrics making stories, it is weaving, dying fabric, needles and stitches jumbling in my thoughts.

Recent news... while I was in town Sunday the husband and son moved round bales in to the pastures for me since there were warnings of possible snow the beginning of the week. After the excitement, the following cell phone text discussion precluded the phone call I made to find out what was going on.

Him: We'll have to talk about your bastage horse...
Me: Oh shit what happened
Him: Did you know ravens can fly?
Me: Yes, yes they can
Him: F*cker. Jumped. The. Fence.
Me: What! Raven? wtf
Him: Yep

Apparently my big, heavy, ol' big butted Quarter Horse/Paint(Raven) had an attitude about the movement in their "pastures" and after escaping once through an open section, being put back, then finding that opening closed again.... did a man-on-a-mission trot to the back then looped around hitting a dead run to gain steam and jumped the fence. What an OMG moment as he has never jumped anything in the whole time we've had him. I am thinking some one needs some attitude adjustment from the Mom... crow hopping with a rider in May and now fence jumping. Poor guy, he's sore from it and walking stiff... he's not built for that kind of nonsense.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T11:53:00.002-05:00

Spot on

2011-10-20T10:55:00.002-05:00

This article says it all... and so true on the main points.

Generation X Doesn't Want to Hear It
Generation X is sick of your bullshit.

There are parts I would love to highlight...
...tired of your sense of entitlement
...to notice any of its trophies—which were admittedly few and far between because they were only awarded for victories, not participation

I think a lot of us from that generation feel like that.

New Joy and Light

2011-10-08T21:10:00.003-05:00

As a celebration of a new stage of life...

Symbolism of the dragonfly:

prosperity
good luck
strength
peace
harmony
purity

"In the Dakota/Lakota mythology, the dragonfly is equated with the mirage or illusion, because their wings beat so rapidly that the human eye cannot see it. In the Lakota tribe, this insect and concept of illusion was often invoked when they wanted to confused their enemies. Dragonfly represented the god or spirit of “Whirlwind.”

On the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, in Ireland and parts of Europe, dragonflies were associated with fairies. Some fables and fairytales, if you will, told that if you followed a dragonfly, it would lead you to fairies. Others said that they were the steeds of fairies. This leads to an association with magic. Dragonflies are so full of spiritual energy and a sort of magic, that they represent the ability to travel between dimensions.

Dragonflies are depicted often in Japanese paintings as representations of new joy and light. And, like the Lakota tribe’s mythology, dragonflies can teach illusion. They tell us that things are not always as they seem, and that life itself is not always what it appears to be.

Information from Ted Andrews's Animal-Speak, Jessica Dawn Palmer's Animal Wisdom, and Steven D. Farmer's Power Animals."

For quite some time I have known I was entering a new phase of my life in the last few years, whether it was my art or being a house wife and parent with now adult children or dealing with spiritual growth. Now yet another stage with the event of a Grandchild on the way. All of life is change.

For as long as we have lived here, there have been dragonflies connected to me. After some discussion of the tribal style I wanted, the tattoo artist freehand drew an original image on my left shoulder before beginning the ink. This spot... has been waiting for 15 years... for just the right reason, just the right image.
This unique symbol fits perfectly, for exactly the right reason.

Just the right time

2011-07-27T12:53:00.003-05:00

Read this over at Witchy Gumbo... exactly what I needed to hear/read.

To all of you...

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us"
~ Mother Teresa

Not crazy... just a little unhinged

2011-06-29T17:00:00.004-05:00

Jeez people.
I got myself all psyched up and pepped talked this last weekend. I was going to DO this... this ONE thing. I've been through two SPINE surgeries for pete's sake! If I could do both of those and persevere through the pain etc then...
I. Can. DO. This. Piece of cake, easy peesy, no stress. I got this.

Uhm. No.

Old habits are hard to kick. Specifically something you've done for 24 years and LOVE doing, it's an old friend... always been there when you needed it through thick and thin to calm your nerves, defray your anger, wile away the time while taking a break to think.

I have the best of intentions, I know I am strong enough to walk away from this even if part of my brain is thinking "but I don't wanna!" Point blank, I will never be ready to quit and there will never be a "good time" to do it either.

BUT...
I want to find out how much better I can make me now... and every now for the next however many minutes, hours, days, years. I want to be healthier and this is a part of that. At some point I'll throw in the toning up and hopefully losing weight too part, but right now it's this hurdle... this albatross around my neck.

I purposely spent my "cigarette money allowance" on nicotine gum instead. Go me. Sigh. I'd rather have a smoke. I need to make my brain move past that.

You would think I've been hugely productive and keeping myself crazy busy. I haven't. I've been clock watching and thinking things like... just one won't be a big deal, I'll just go sneak one out of so-n-so's pack(not going to say who, but it's not the hubby). But I don't and haven't sneaked one yet, so I don't understand why I think of it that way.
I simply ask for one, deal with the ribbing I get, and am completely honest when the hubby asks if I have or how many. I refuse to sneak around, I'm an adult and by gods if I want a cigarette then I'm damn well going to have one. But that just makes it all the harder to not have another one... it's like potato chips, can't eat just one.

At least this time I haven't gone stark raving bitchified on any one. One of the previous times I tried to quit the kids were little and I came unglued enough that I was dead serious telling the husband he would go get me a pack "right now" or I would take HIS cricket bat to HIS car. Bless his heart for putting up with the crazy wife.(*waves* Hi Honey, Love You!) I got to the point I couldn't stand my crabby bitchy crazy self and didn't want to put the kids or the hubby through it either. Which is why I bought the nicotine gum. I'm not fooling myself that this will be easy or that I've kicked the habit completely just because I haven't "sneaked" one, I'll still have to get off the nicotine part of things. I want this to work. I want to be a better me. I've gotten a "second" chance with this neck surgery and the act of movement... just feeling yourself move and be physical is a huge thing for me now. I need to do this one thing so I can breath easier, so I can move more and do the things I want to do.
I keep telling myself I've got this. Hopefully it will change to one day at a time instead of one hour at a time soon.
I am looking forward to when that will change to not thinking about it at all.

Hot Summer Days

2011-06-24T16:27:00.002-05:00

Well a bit of catch up is in order I suspect.

It's been a very hot start to the summer with most days in the high 90's and low 100's F. Winds have been high and gusting most days too. All of that equals not good in these parts for farmers, gardeners, and the hay crop etc.

I'm doing good... I got the impression at my 8 weeks neurosurgeon appointment yesterday that I am doing more and having recovered more of my mobility than they thought I would. It hasn't been said that way, just reactions and gut feeling to the things they mention or how they react to what I say I'm doing. I can do most normal things around the house and yard now, but still have restrictions on weight I can lift, push, pull. Physical therapy is going well, I would have never thought of 3 and 4 lbs of weight as being heavy although it is now. Another three to five months of "letting myself heal" so the bone fusion can scar in as it needs to... meaning I need to be careful what I do and try to do still. All in all, I think I am doing most excellent.

The kid(youngest) is healing from the broken arm and subsequent surgery on it, at this point the way he acts you wouldn't know he'd broken it and should be taking it easier with his arm.
The Other kid(oldest) moved out a week ago today and haven't heard a peep from him although he did call his Dad on Father's Day last weekend, so I suppose that is something at least. He and his girlfriend got an apartment together in the city not too far from where they each work. New chapter in his life and I am excited to see him making a new start. I imagine we'll see him on weekends occasionally when he's not wrapped up in video games or work or what ever the gf is wanting him to do.

Other than those few things it's been the same ol' same ol' around here. I putter around the house, waste time blog surfing and f@ceb00king when I'm not working on some creative pursuit or going to physical therapy. Me not being able to do much, the yard is dismal since I am the one who is the mad mower and prefer the yard a certain way. Of course no flower beds although I am thinking I will definitely start plans for next spring. The garden is a joke, the three tomato plants are healthy but no blooms due to heat and the hail from one of the tornado storms took out one of three hot pepper plants... most of it has really lovely dark green grass though. Part of that no pulling deal is I can't weed or use the pitchfork to break up the dirt... so other than just directly around the plants, it just doesn't get done. My chickens love me though... to help them cope in the heat I go out mid day to give them fresh cold water and make them cold mud puddles in the shade area of their pen.
What an exciting life around here. Snort! LOL!

Not Perfect

2011-05-25T23:12:00.003-05:00

Fantastically written article, please go read.

The disease called "Perfection"

Nothing and no one is perfect, no matter how things appear.

Happy May Day!

2011-05-01T16:44:00.003-05:00

Happy May Day... or Beltane to those who observe!

It's a chilly, rainy day here... not a flower to be seen. The Daffodils went early and the Iris' are running behind. It seem our chilly, rainy spring weather has showed up a month or so late this year. Odd weather year for us here.

A week after surgery and I would have to say I'm doing pretty good. The first recovery week is always the worst in my limited experience, but each day has gotten a little better in some small aspect. There is a noticeable difference in the way my neck actually feels, the pressure and squished feeling are gone; and my hands don't feel as clumsy. I am behaving (mostly) although there are a few small things I think I should be able to do that I have learned otherwise, still sleeping in the recliner as laying flat does horrible horrible things pain-wise, the swallowing gets a bit better and less painful each day, and the incisions are starting to itch like crazy. I've managed to cut the amount of pain meds in half already which thrills me to no end and am supplementing the narcotics with plain ol' tylenol. I hate being loopy and my body hits a point where taking the narcotics actually gives me a headache... kind of the reverse of withdrawal I guess.
All that is to say... things are looking up, better each day, and even small inconsequential things really are progress if you take the time to notice them as such.

The hubby goes back to work this week, his week of babysitting me done :) Not exactly the break from work I would have wanted for him, but at least a break of sorts. I told him today that I was going to be so bored and aimless with out him here to distract me. Going to try to get some small stitching projects set up to work on through out the week, make sure things are easy to get to etc so I won't feel like I'm limited too much with things to create with. I do plan on napping off and on, which I guess is what I should be doing... but there is only so much of that I can do. We'll see what the week brings as it goes... there's not a lot of trouble I can get in to when the only thing I'm supposed to be doing is walking for exercise to encourage healing...and healing. Sigh. I miss moving without thought and at whim.

I hope you all are having a fantastic day doing something you enjoy!

Surgery coming up

2011-04-22T23:46:00.005-05:00

Just a bit of a heads up for those who I haven't contacted in email. I am never sure if I should send an email to everyone, but then there are those that may read occasionally that have never emailed me or commented.

Anyway...
Long story short version here. I will be headed in to surgery bright and early Monday morning to have an Anterior Cervical Fusion done. That link isn't exactly what is going to happen, there are newer methods or methods my neurosurgeon prefers because of good success rates with them. It was scheduled for May 9th, there was a cancellation that occured due to pre-op test results for another patient coming back with not so good news... so I was moved up to this Monday instead.

For those of you that do not want to bother with the link or would like a clear cut explanation...
I have two bulging/herniated disks that have pushed in to the spinal cord in my neck which has been causing loss of feeling and motor skills among other things. The surgery is to remove those two disks, put graft material(bone/marrow from small area on top of breast bone area) in the open spaces and attach a titanium plate from C5 to C7 vertebrae and fuse my neck.
The main goal is stop my body from slowly paralyzing it's self... calm down, it takes a very long time to progress under normal conditions... but I for one do not want to get there. With any luck there hasn't been any permanent damage to the spinal cord or nerves and I might get some feeling and fine motor skills back etc.
I should be home Tuesday, just an overnight stay. No riding in the car, driving, working, lifting, etc etc for FOUR WEEKS. I sincerely hope I can at least stitch on CQ or I will go absolutely stark raving.

It is the same neurosurgeon that did my lower back surgery, so I know I'm in excellent hands.

Strange how life goes sometimes, isn't it?!

Saying goodbye

2011-04-10T15:01:00.004-05:00

Some choices are never meant to be easy, so that we never make them lightly.
Wishing her forever green pastures, warm easy days of sun, wild runs full of joy, and finally an absence of pain and discomfort.
Run free Mare Imbrium, moon mare, my Imbri.

Following a path

2011-01-23T23:14:00.002-06:00

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

I'm not quite sure where I'm headed yet, but I plan to explore those new roads and hidden secret gates.

Have a Merry Yule

2010-12-21T18:02:00.004-06:00

(picture from Machine Elf)

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Winter solstice, Full moon, AND a Lunar Eclipse.

We set an alarm last night for 2am, so we could go out and see the total lunar eclipse. It was a little cloudy, but still clear enough to see the full moon with the shadow over it. I was up again at 4am(not sleeping well lately) and went outside to see the full moon back to all it's bright glory.

I will remember

2010-11-11T00:17:00.001-06:00

In remembrance of my Dad, for my husband and Father-in-law... For all of those who have served, those serving now, and those that will be called to serve in the future. Thank you to all of you... I will remember.

On to the next thing...

2010-11-01T13:48:00.005-05:00

I hope every one had a great Halloween! I missed getting a post out yesterday.
There are photos over at Squirrelly Ducks and little notes about the creative projects I've been up to... not all of them are listed yet as some swaps are still waiting to be received so I'll post those later.

This is a little polymer clay figure I made up for a Halloween doll swap.

We spent the weekend finding and transporting big round hay bales to start stocking up for the winter. I had hoped to have more on the ground here by this time, but ya gotta work with the budget. There are six total here, two in pasture and four in reserve so hopefully we will be set at least in to January. I hate getting stressed over not having enough hay to pull in when we get bad weather.
I have to give big thanks to my friend, Rhi, for helping to find, buy, and transport the hay. She also used the bigger truck and goose-neck trailer she has available for the hauling so it saved some heavier hauling wear and tear on my smaller lighter truck.
The horses are happy, each side has it's own round bale out for "grazing" now... just in time too as the weather seems to have turned and we're in to nights in the low forties. For those who don't know... Horses only have one long stomach so to keep their body heat up they have to constantly have hay/grass/forage so they don't end up burning off body weight to maintain their normal body temperature. Having a steady source of graze also keeps their gut working correctly and helps to avoid colic... which if it is severe enough can result in death.
There's your educational announcement for the day :)

After bringing the last of the hay we were getting yesterday we did a quick set up to have a bonfire for Halloween, moved the grill around to the back and grabbed some hamburgers, chips, and adult beverages. It was a nice evening sitting around the fire chatting and spending time with the kids and friends. Too bad we forgot to grab marshmallows or stuff to make s'mores!

Can't beat having a bonfire for your anniversary!

Now on to the next phase of the seasons... getting ready for the colder weather, Thanksgiving, and Yule/Christmas!

Thanks to my friend/neighbor, S., I'll be traveling along with her on a trip back up to Indiana and getting to see my friend, J., later on this week for two days. S. needed a co-driver/company for her drive up there to take her elderly father to some doctor appointments and asked if I would be willing to go with. This has really turned in to a traveling type of year for me which is pretty neat.
When I get back it will be back to working up mixed media items and hopefully getting them out in to my Etsy shop for sale.

Belated Lady Gaga Concert

2010-08-27T15:41:00.009-05:00

I can't think of enough words to describe this concert. It was amazing, fantastic, and I would definitely go again if she has another concert in this area! The skits she put on, the seamless flow of the entire show and the costume changes... very well done. The one downer was whatever church group that had set up a protest outside slamming Lady Gaga and any one that would go see her.
I thought it was amazingly big hearted of Lady Gaga to address that group and telling all of her "little monsters" to forgive and extend them nothing but love...that others could perpetuate the hate but in there we perpetuating love and acceptance of every one, no matter what their views were. Very cool.

I don't have great photos because I listened to the warning on the ticket and didn't take a camera...but I had the camera on my cell phone :) So, not great cell photos and my hands were shaky on top of that.

I thought I would see a lot more people dressed up than we did, but there were some really neat outfits...several pretty boys I would have grabbed up and took home saying to the hubby "can I keep him?!". Because you know, gay guys are no threat there and good lordy they can be so much fun to hang around!

Love the guy with the pink mohawk... and he just so looked like he was having such a good time.

If this guy had put a little more in to his clothes to match the mask and feathers... I'd have snatched him for a party too.

One of my favorite moments happened during the HOUR we were standing in line to get a T-shirt... this pretty boy, his makeup was fantastic and he was just so petite, apparently saw some one or thing that thrilled his little ol' heart. He squealed and hopped around in sheer glee, then he and the girlfriends all huddled making flapping hand gestures and chattering at each other while glancing over his shoulder. It was priceless! Amused me greatly, so much so that I stood there laughing out loud at his joy and how unbelievably stereotypical it was. I truly wanted to get a good picture of him and his little posse, but that never panned out.

A couple of VERY nicely dressed drag queens that were posing with anyone that wanted a photo.

Not sure what she made that dress out of, but man was it bright!! Maybe yellow duct tape?!

Why no, I really do not understand the guy in just underwear/speedo and boots. I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of the alejandro video, but he was comfortable in his skin and really... at this point... nothing was terribly unusual!

As we're standing there..still waiting to get a T-shirt, I noticed something right in front of us... had been there the whole time just waiting for me to notice it right in front of my face.

DUDE! She has a LOBSTER... on her HEAD!!! I think I made Rhi double over laughing at that one.. lol.

Finally we're in our seats, T-shirt achieved... completely missed the opening band and this comes up on the projection screen that is hiding the stage

Then a figure showed up on the overlaid grid on that screen...

And the lights changed....and the figure MOVED!! OMG it's her, it's not just part of the projection photo/video they were doing. The concert had started... and it was loud. Awesome!

Then I realized after spending more time fighting with my cell phone and shaky hands that I was trying so hard to get photos to capture the night...that I was missing the show. At that point I said F%$@ IT, put the phone away and just experienced being in the moment... and truly enjoyed the show and the music.

This is the one last photo I took later on... so I could show hubby that she wore the animatronic costume that he thought was so neat when he found a video of it on line that was more about the robotics than any thing else.

All and all, wonderful wonderful wonderful!! The only thing I would have done differently.... I would have choked out that not-so-small high school chick sitting right beside the FIRST time she shrieked and howled in my ear... then I could have enjoyed the show with out having to slap a hand over my ear ever single blessed time she shrieked.

PSA of my Own

2010-08-19T20:10:00.005-05:00

First off, to any of my followers or people I email that may have recieved any mass emails about anything political or about illegal immigration, anything besides cute photos or something that I would normally be associated by you with...

I apologize if you received any thing like that in the past three or so months.
I had a trojan/virus a while back on my computer and thought we had caught it in time. It's come to light that a few people had received something along those lines and were put off or upset. I rarely mass email anyone... it's got to be really funny or really cute and I have to know without a doubt it is something that you would enjoy or get a kick out of for me to email it to you personally let alone to put it out there en mass. I don't forward emails willy nilly to people... especially about politics or religion or legal vs. illegal immigration... unless I know you personally or I know one hundred percent you are of the same ideology as me.
If you think it's odd that I sent it to you... you need to contact me and make sure or check the return email and make sure it matches back to me.... chances are if you think it's odd I sent it, I probably don't even know you got it.

Here's the thing....

I don't talk a lot here about my personal life on any "hotbutton" subjects, or I try not to anyway. Some times I think that puts people off or maybe I say things in such a way that people may get the wrong idea or they take the little pieces and turn it in to a wrong picture. If you email me and strike up a conversation I will discuss any topic under the sun with you... if you ask my opinion on a topic you better make sure you can handle it because I will tell you. I am an open minded person and I can have great theological and political and law type conversations with out ever letting you know what my true beliefs in those areas are. I can even tell you what they are and not let it get in the way of seeing your side of things if it's different from yours.

So... with some things that have come to light lately I want to clarify some other things as well.

I got laid off... awhile ago, did my stint on unemployment while trying to find a comparable job and in the back of mind thinking "well they said I'd be the first person they'd call back to work in the office once it picks up again". That was my mistake... thinking they were being honest and true to their word on that part, they weren't and the sticker is I don't know why they weren't. Me being unemployed is not for lack of me sending out resumes and applications, it's simply a sign of the times and unfortunately my resume doesn't have enough college/certifications/whathaveyou to compete with people that do have those things that are applying for the same jobs I am even when I gave in and started applying for IT and computer related areas. I didn't want to go back in to that field, I still don't but I'll do what I need to and try to make the best of it if anything comes my way.
We are getting by and so far I've been able to avoid having to go apply at a fast food place... that is a choice.

I am working on getting some stock built up and figuring out etsy so I can get a shop set up there. Hopefully that will make a difference and I'll be lucky enough to be able to stay home doing what I love most and being able to make a living at it.
That whole part of life has to fit around taking care of the house and animals... I realize I need to rethink that attitude and make the creating and selling part the priority just like I would with a job that was away from home. I'll get it figured out, hopefully soon.

I looked at going back to school through a couple of different routes, but point blank I really didn't do much with it or take it much farther than some calls and conversations. We're in one of those sticky areas where the husband makes too much to qualify for the supposed "back to college free money" but we also don't bring in enough to cover all the bills and pay for gas for me to run around to schools or pay for classes since we were used to being a two income family and now we're not... damned if you do, damned if you don't. I also refuse to go back to any venue of learning unless I am one hundred percent committed to that in my own mind. There's no point wasting money or time (mine or anyone else's in either case) if it's not something I'm going to stick with and be happy doing down the road. I can be happy in a job, if it's the right one for me, without going back to school.

We've discussed reducing the amount of outside animals and indoor pets we have, even went so far as to posting horses for sale. That didn't turn out and in the end we decided to keep plugging on as is until things get easier or we just absolutely can not do it any more. Our animals are a huge part of our life and family, most of them we've had since they were anywhere from 5 to 9 weeks old. At this late in the game it would be cruel to the animal to dump them in to an overloaded humane society/pound when they are from 6 to 12 years old.... not to mention we took our responsibility for that animal seriously when we brought them home in the first place.

The point with all of this is that I don't mention we're tight or can't do something because I want sympathy or handouts... I don't. If our close friends or family help us out occasionally that's their choice, we don't ask for it but we do appreciate it and try to be gracious without our pride getting in the way.

This is our choice, our lives... if we skip a few bills to be able to go see family instead that we haven't been able to see in many years or eat spaghetti and ramen for a week to put a round bale in the field or I don't drive my truck most of the month to save the gas money for pet food then that is the way we decided to it at that point. Life is all about choices... don't assume you know me or our story just from a few snippets of life you see in a blog post.

OH.. and to who ever what ever that keeps putting the chinese characters in my comments section.... KNOCK IT OFF! If you bother to read the posts then you'll see it down here just as well as at the top. Get a clue... the comments are moderated, your comments won't be approved... I don't read or understand what they say and I'm not wasting my time to translate them, they are simply deleted. Quit wasting your and my time... I bet you have better things to do with your time, I know I do with mine.

A little of this, a little of that

2010-08-07T22:05:00.004-05:00

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Changing your perspective on any thing is a good thing, never hurts to see something from all sides.

I finished up the BFAC decorative beaded mask I was working on and got that sent in on time. It was close there at the end and I think I got a little burnout going. It took a week before I even felt like beading anything.

Along those lines it may have been more than just burnout. That same week I was feeling run down and just not well. After napping the afternoon away or sleeping late in the mornings all week, I took the hint from the sinus pressure and sore eyes to go to the doctor. While getting the sinus thing taken care of I mentioned a problem with my right foot up in the ball of the foot area and toes that I'd been having off and on for months. The doc sent me for xrays to see if it's from getting stomped on way back in December. They should get the report some time this next week, but I'm going to back in and get actual film copies of it... I want to see what's going on it there :) We'll see if I've been walking around on a broken foot, or rebreaking, or something-ing it since December then go from there.

The shocker to start the month off was my 18 year old moving out and in to his first apartment with in a week of saying "I think I want to...". Granted it is with a buddy of his so he has a roomie, but still a first place for the both of them.
He's broke, has called me to bring bleach to get rid of mold, took off with various furniture and household items, showed up after he got off of work yesterday "Mom can I do my laundry here I need clean clothes", and is absolutely LOVING being on his own.

Now I need to get caught up on my BJP and get off my duff with all the ideas I have zipping around in my head.
It's been in the 100's, way too hot to do anything outside so good time to sit inside and work on creative things. Now that we're back home and things are a little calmer I've re-enabled the comments with a few changes that will hopefully help.
(edit: apparently not, up two hours and already have had to reject malicious links comments.)

Along the way and bittersweet

2010-07-21T23:25:00.012-05:00

We had a wonderful trip driving to see friends and family at the beginning of the month.

Fourth of July we spent at my friend J.'s in Indiana. Then a days drive through Kentucky, West Virginia, Virginia, and in to North Carolina.

The first part of the trip in Indiana I don't have any photos of, there was lots of activity and people all over... completely different than my visit in April which was quiet and filled with tons of just me and J. spending time together talking. The party was smaller than I had thought it would be, but still lots of people... the food was delicious and there was great conversation and meet-n-greet with everyone. It was neat to see the fireworks that night going up between the ridges with the tall trees in the background. We are so used to being able to see clear out in all directions watching other people's fireworks from up to five or more miles away, so it was a different perspective for us.

The drive to NC was pleasant after so many people, I think it was the first time in three days that the hubby and I were actually alone together. The scenery through upper Kentucky, WV, and VA was stunning.... love the mountains! I love driving curvy twisty roads, so that whole part was a blast for me even if I did manage to tweak out the hubby a couple of times. :) We did stop and get a few photos in WV at a scenic overlook as it finally occurred to me that we hadn't been taking pictures of our trip together!

I think this is some where around Big Walker Mountain?

We spent several days in NC visiting with the parents and being able to attend hubby's paternal Grandmother's 80th birthday party. It was wonderful being able to spend time with them, hubby's sister managed to come in from VA as well to be there so we also got to visit her for a couple of days too. My FIL, M., spoiled me with three professional matted and framed prints of my own photos (it still catches my breath when I walk in the house and see them hung on the walls) and also arranged for me to be able to go visit Canterberry Arabian Farm which is a cousin of his... I'm not remembering all the specific familial designations here as there were bunches of first, second, etc cousins and great-aunts etc...my head was just swimming trying to remember it all so I'll apologize here for being forgetful of which is which. Anyway, the visit to the Arabian farm was a special treat for me... these are high-quality show horses, the type that I'll never be able to afford to own let alone be able to do them justice since my crew are most pasture ornaments and for trail riding, but just being to see them and hear their owner describe them in such a loving and proud manner, getting to pet and love on them... I even got a nuzzle from the gorgeous stud Infinety, what a personality he has! All of that just doesn't even do justice to just being able to spend time with the parents and just talk, watch TV together, share meals with, just simple little things like that... I miss having family around close to spend time with.

When we left the parents house, we headed through the Smokey Mountains.

We found a mountain parkway some where just in to Tennessee and decided to do a little sight seeing in the mountains. Figured we didn't know when we'd have a chance to come through there again so might as well slow down a little and enjoy the trip instead of being stuck in the car for the whole time.
We found this, campground type area I guess... and found a beautiful little stream/river flowing around moss covered rocks.

It was so picture perfect and wonderful spot to sit for a while enjoying the surroundings.

There were tons of butterflies everywhere here that flitted around your head, they didn't seem to have any fear of humans. It was magical being able to stand there and have them flying around me in the shade of these tall mountain trees with the stream burbling over rocks.

I have an affinity for interesting looking gnarly looking old trees... the taller the better, I think this one was my favorite...

During the long drive home, which we had thought we might try to do straight through, we lost the low beam headlights on the car. Pitch black on the interstate some time after midnight, in a pouring rain while cruising about 80mph, 90 miles east of Memphis on I40. After much fighting with the car trying to get the headlights straightened out, being exhausted and crabby we threw up our hands and gave in, back tracked a couple of exits and got a hotel room for the night. I swear that bed was the best thing ever! Getting up after sleeping like a rock and getting back on the road with a better attitude was a good move on our part. We arrived home right before sunset to a front yard full of flitting dragonflies and hugs all around from the kids and Rhi.

Now not to put a damper on the trip, but we did have one loss that I wouldn't feel right if I didn't mention.
Our sweet old Maeve at eleven and half years old, had to be put down while we were on our trip. She had been ouchy before we left so I made sure every one knew to make sure to give her her arthritis meds... I wish I would have taken her to the vet then, but hind sight is always clearer after the fact. Due to a spreading cancer that may have been lymphatic as well as having tumors on her liver and slpeen, it was kinder that she was sent on to the other side to be free of pain. I regret I wasn't there with her, but at least one of her three adult humans was with her, bless Rhi's heart that she was there for Maeve when I couldn't be. It was a bittersweet homecoming for both the husband and I.

Meet you on the other side, Tater-tot.

Removed Comments

2010-07-09T22:57:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to put up a short note that comment section has been removed due to the excessive malicious link comments being left with the oriental characters.

I had thought it would taken care of with setting comments to be approved by me, but it hasn't stopped. Since there are not a lot of people who leave comments it is simpler to just remove the option of comments. I have appreciated all the wonderful comments that have been left by other people, but for now I need to focus more on my beaded art and home life without worrying that a comment might make it through with malicious links that some one might click on.

Hope everyone is doing great, I'll post more when we return from our trip and I get our photos on the computer.

It would figure

2010-06-26T12:29:00.002-05:00

Well. It would figure I decide to do this selling thing and it falls through.
I am relieved. Still working on selling the little horse trailer and a couple of saddles, but we've decided to put off selling the horses. Let me just say, I really hate selling things... so not a sales person. Too honest, too candid, too nice.

The youngest (18 year old) was perturbed to find out I was in the process of trying to sell two of them. "MOM... they're family, you DON'T sell family!" I have NO idea where he'd get that kind of mind set from. :)

And so it goes.

We'll be spending this week getting ready for a road trip, the husband and I. First trip together without kids. Going up to Indiana again for a little visit then out to NC to see his parents. We're making it a camping road trip to keep costs down, so that should be an adventure.

Decisions and changes

2010-06-22T23:11:00.003-05:00

Well, some things I pretty much figured were going to need to happen are now in the process of happening. If every thing goes through then a couple of horses will be on their way to new homes as well as miscellaneous tack items and the horse trailer being sold.

It's been a hard decision to make and one I've put off for as long as possible, but it's time to do it. By letting things go on to another purpose in their lives, it opens our life up to new purposes as well. I am not necessarily happy to have to be doing this, but I am at least at peace with it and in some ways it will also be a relief. I could go in to a list of a whole slew of reasons why and how I came to this choice, but at this point there's no reason to go in to it.

BEST Birthday Evah!

2010-06-06T10:31:00.010-05:00

Yesterday was a great day, spent good time with the family! We had an unexpected visitor stop by and ended up standing in the 90-something degree heat talking in the drive while they looked over K's '89 Camero. I guess it was a good thing I had decided on a relaxed makeup free day because it would have just melted right off with the sweat. I don't like pictures of myself, hate having photos taken, and rarely post any of myself...but you know what, this is me... good or bad... and I want to share my awesome bday with ya'll.

Rhi was so thoughtful to get me the Pioneer Woman's cookbook which I have wanted forever and two little polymer clay faces, one came as a set with these tiny little adorable hands that I'm going to have to make me a special doll to showcase them, the hubby's present got delayed and is supposed to show up Monday so he was a bit bummed. Later he decided to show me a picture of it before Rhi left so she could have the fun of seeing my reaction... a handmade metal gecko!!!

It may not look exactly like this one since the way the copper colors out with heat is different with each piece, but how AWESOME is that!! It's about the size of a sheet of printer paper, so now I'm plotting where I can hang it on the wall so I can see it all the time!! I'm wondering if I can do some type of a gecko theme, fun type of colorful thing in the kitchen now... wouldn't that just be a blast?!

Sneaky people surprised me in the biggest way. Both the boys, K's girlfriend, and Rhi all went in together on a grab bag present of sorts.
I'm pulling out tissue paper and opening up the oddest things... I was instructed I couldn't open the card until the very last.
A black and aqua feather boa

purple ball-shaped monster

a playing card and poker chip decorated tiny mask

long false eyelashes with blue/aqua tips

I'm thinking it's some type of jokes-on-you thing. Then I got to open the card which started instructing me on how to handle Age Rage LOL, signed by the kids with bday wishes and a note that said "Enjoy the concert at the Ford Center July 20, 8pm".

What concert?

OMG they are sending me to the LADY GAGA concert in OKC!!

To say I was completely stunned is an understatement!!

Rhi is going with me, the kids got her in cahoots with them to order the tickets and to make sure she would be ok to go to it too.
What a crazy life!! I haven't been to a concert since before the kids were born. LOL! I never in a million years would have guessed they'd do something like this.

I have an amazing family :)

A Good Day

2010-06-04T14:08:00.006-05:00

I've had the house to myself almost every day this week until people get home from work. The oldest disappeared the other day and we were informed later in the day that he was housesitting. No clue when he'll be back etc.

The youngest started his first "adult life" job this last Tuesday, in training for four weeks to become a utility line location specialist. Reputable company, all kinds of job perks and good benefits, with plenty of room to move up the ladder, we're hoping he'll stick with it.

Tomorrow is my big Four Oh bday. Woo, go me. No plans, will probably be a quiet day, and that's okay with me. New perspective, well not really new I guess just reminded of something that I forgot... The kids are grown, the youngest turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm turning forty, it's time for me to have the life I want to have without having to worry about always having to plan around or for the kids and what they need/want to have. Sweet! We had always joked around that we'd get a chance to live our twenties when the kids were grown and we turned forty. Well, hot dog, that time is now. Older, wiser, and ready for this new adventure that is the next chapter of my life.

Love these songs and videos, go have a listen!

Kelis - love her costumes, especially the black beaded one

Avril Lavigne
From the Alice in Wonderland movie by Tim Burton

Lady Gaga - Love the dance moves, love love love the costumes... killer shoes!
I hope every one has a fantastic weekend doing what they love doing!

Let's see

2010-05-19T15:52:00.003-05:00

What have I been up to...

There's been some web surfing and time wasting on the F@ceB00k, some playing with felt and different dolls and some beading going on too.

Fence work in the back so Raven and Imbri have another acre to graze on, and fence work in the front for Cooper and Salera to have a little more area too. Walked all the fence and found four separate areas that were damaged on the hotwire lines (Cooper I suspect). All is fixed and the charger is moved and ticking away so that bored-the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence Cooper will stop tearing up fence... Zap!

Mowing... not that there's much "front yard" left that isn't being consistently grazed down, but any weeds or coarser grass the horses deem unacceptable to mow for me needs to be kept down. The pasture on the west side looks like a finely kept lawn now all the way back to the neighbor's back fence with the weeds knocked down and the grass well watered and fertilized.

Tornadoes and hail damage across the state, the weather this month has been fierce. We're under yet another Tornado Watch with possible severe hail until 10pm tonight with flash flood warnings as well. The last hail storm was amazing in it's destructiveness. I wonder what a spring would be like to not have to be so vigilant about what the sky and clouds look like, how the air feels or whether the pressure and heat feels as if it's started dropping. It would be nice to not have the TV on the local station listening to the weather men all afternoon and evening.

Tomorrow is my youngest son's 18th birthday. Some times that makes me feel old and worn out and sad, but also excited for him and hopeful, so hopeful that he'll find happiness, adventure, and a good career he loves. I can still see that blonder than blond little guy running across the yard giggling and some times that seems like it was just yesterday. How cliche, huh?!
The hard part is stepping back and letting them discover life, most of the time there are no do-overs in the wide ol' world of adult life.

Dreaming of some place else

2010-04-20T11:09:00.002-05:00

Well I am home again after a fantastic visit with a wonderful friend.
I think we were both a bit nervous, wondering if we'd have anything in common after all of these years. I know I took a leap of faith, based only on several long phone conversations, that we'd get along just fine and the friendship we had 25 years ago would still be there at the base.

It's not every day that of all things in this big ol' universe I would suddenly be gifted with a chance like this one, a ride up and back with the neighbors that have become friends because they were driving past that area and the gracious welcoming in to their home for four days of my friend J. and her family. Not a typical vacation by any means, no running around to see the local sites or doing touristy things. A chance to visit and talk non-stop, wonderful wanderings around their property better than any nature retreat, getting a small glimpse of J.'s life now with her husband and kids. I can't imagine the trip being any more wonderful than it was and I am so glad I took the chance and went.

It's like a hole in my heart has been filled again and I hadn't realized it was there. Now I'm back at my home here, I've realized that I've left a chunk of my heart back there and I keep thinking of all of those little moments we spent out wandering and talking. Late nights of catching up on all the years in between.
I'm remembering and wishing I was back there....

walking down the creek

listening to the water gurgle over stones

exploring and finding little treasures in the creek

wandering through the ridges and valleys

and enjoying the trees, finding little gnome houses (well maybe a frog lives there)

and I'm wondering when we'll be able to get back there. I hope it won't take too long.

Mossy boulders, creeks, and trees.... Oh My!

2010-04-13T16:13:00.002-05:00

These are some photos of my morning and early afternoon wandering around.
1) Huge round(ish) boulders get eroded by rain and washout out of the ridge/wall by the creek.
2) Wonderful view and soft gurgling creek. Peaceful place to sit and just be with nature.
3)Fantastic moss covered fallen trees.
4) Treasure found in the creek, cracked open geode with crystal formations inside.

Countryside

2010-04-12T22:27:00.002-05:00

Just a few photos from my trip out of state to a friend's place in Indiana.
Gorgeous countryside here, just love it. I'll post more photos when I get home.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T09:55:00.003-05:00

Wishing you a rainbow
For sunlight after showers—
Miles and miles of Irish smiles
For golden happy hours—
Shamrocks at your doorway
For luck and laughter too,
And a host of friends that never ends
Each day your whole life through!

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!

Sparklie Saturday

2010-03-06T16:30:00.004-06:00

Even though today has been nothing but overcast gray, the mail showed up with not one but two boxes of sparklies and a swap doll.

My beads showed up from Beading For A Cure to take part in this years challenge. Gorgeous colors and beads, now to decide what to bead for the challenge and auction.

The second box of sparklies was my small order from Kandra's Beads, two shades of gray and curved needles for one of my Bead Journal Projects for this month. I hadn't realized there were no gray beads in my stash and I hadn't been able to find any gray colors locally at all.

It's ALWAYS a good day when sparklies show up in the mail! Why yes, yes the little things in life do make me happy :)

Every one's gone crazy

2010-02-19T16:46:00.003-06:00

Not a great week for the world around here.

During the dark hours of Tuesday morning my next door neighbors house was on fire.
The news articles say there was a domestic disturbance the police were called to then several hours later a neighbor called to report the house on fire. Not going to go in to a lot of details here, but they found the husband of the couple after the fire was put out and a few days later reported that it was ruled suicide by a gunshot to the head. There has been no mention of how the fire started etc. It's all still under investigation I'm sure. This would be the neighbor I've referred to as an asshat, by the way, for thinking it was funny to set off fireworks near the horse fence on my east side pasture. I still wouldn't wish that kind of an outcome on any one. This makes 3 people in this neighborhood who have died from "whatever" in like the last 2 or three months. Very Freaky.

Then there was a the plane in California that went down in a residential area, several crazy high speed chasing in our larger local area... one of which reached speeds of 100 mph and had a 9 month old baby in the back seat, an attempted suicide in the parking lot of a Ta co B ell in my area, and the crazy dude flying his plane in to the federal building in Texas. Added to that there have been multiple earthquakes. Yes you read that right... EARTHQUAKES... in Oklahoma with in 15 miles of my location. Feels like a "boom" that you kind of hear kind of feel. Very weird, I've felt several of them now.

What the hell?! The world is going bugnutty batshit crazy lately. I so want to move.

Music for the eyes and soul

2010-02-09T22:48:00.002-06:00

Have you ever had one of those days where your head doesn't feel right? You can't really say what is wrong, just that it's not right.

It feels too full, words and thoughts are jumbled and some times you just can't seem to say things right. Like things are caught and collided, a log jam that won't break free.

That is where my brain seems to be lately. I happened upon Moonlight and Hares tonight, the beautiful playlist combined with the fairytale imagery was like sitting in a quiet grove of trees letting the imagination wander. Fabulous.

Ice and Snow Photos

2010-01-31T13:49:00.005-06:00

Frozen rose bush
Icicles off the chicken coop
Cow fence off to the west
Sapling Shumard Red Oak
Sapling Shumard Red Oak detail
Down the road toward the north west
Cow field, cows must be hiding some where else
Ice covered horse trailer, neat icicles
Iced grass

First storm of 2010

2010-01-30T22:56:00.002-06:00

Well, the outdoors is a giant sheet of snow covered ice after the storm of the last two days. Freezing rain turned to sleet and covered every thing with a half an inch to three quarters of an inch of ice on Thursday. Some time over night it changed to snow and that fell all day Friday, the news says we got about six inches in our area.

We're one of the lucky ones that did not lose power, so very thankful for that. I drove in to town this morning and while there were slick spots the snow cover provided good traction. It was slow going but I retrieved the oldest son who was moving back in today and made a store run with out incident. I wish I had had my camera with me, I would have chanced getting stuck or not being able to get started up again just to get some of the spectacular views I had on the drive in. I'll have to try to get some tomorrow even though the sun came out for short bursts and started the melt today already.

All the horses were blanketed shortly after dark on Wednesday and while they looked miserable and pathetic walking around with sheets of ice glued to the horse blankets, they all weathered the storm well again and for the most part stayed dry under them. Wednesday was 60 degrees out, Thursday didn't get to maybe 28. Weird winter, more snow and ice this year than I recall for a long time. This keeps up we're going to have to invest in coats, overalls, and heavy duty gloves as if we were living up north in Nebraska or South Dakota... well maybe not as cold as SD but you get the idea.

Fairy Name

2010-01-13T12:08:00.003-06:00

Your fairy is called Feather Snowfilter

She is a cleansing force and a peace-bringer.

She lives in high places where the clouds meet the earth.

She is only seen on midsummer's eve.

She wears pale blue like the sky. She has delicate pale blue wings like a cicada.

Get your free fairy name here!

Love it. I think I'll try to bead this imagery some time.

Tired of Cold

2010-01-09T11:23:00.003-06:00

My days string in to being cold and not quite as cold. Rarely do I feel warm.
I'm not sure how I manage it, but I've been stomping around in 8 degree weather and can walk in to the house sweaty. From walking feed buckets around to each horse and checking on the chickens. But I feel cold while this is happening.

I went to the dr. the week before Christmas for a thyroid check up, the numbers are low but within the margins so they didn't change a thing. The dr. was more concerned about the odd heart flutter I mentioned... which has happened when my thyroid meds were off before... and sent me to a cardiologist for a stress test. Which apparently was fine, that dr said I was at low risk for any significant heart issue. I'm going to end up going back to my regular dr to force the issue of changing the thyroid meds. I'm not going to be able to deal with this whole constantly feeling like I'm freezing but can sweat at the same time thing. I guess my thermostat is broke.

Other than that bit of craziness and the weather being 30 degrees colder for our area than it should be type of craziness, things are going ok I guess.
We ended up dropping a chunk of money on the truck last week to get the tires and brakes fixed, along with a few other maintenance things it's needed forever. It's nice to not have to worry about the bad brakes or that the badly worn tires will fail while I have no spare. Nice to have my truck back indeed.

I've been enjoying working on bead embroidery, I think I may have finally found my "passion" in creating art. It's the first thing I've done besides drawing in high school that I perceive as me creating art. Very cool.

My days are rounds of going out in to the biting cold to do chores twice a day, to check on the animals, take the dogs out, run errands, clean house etc, and when I can manage a little bit of time to sit at the table I bead. I've been thinking of going back to college, university really since it is closer to where we live. It's just deciding what to major in and finding out if there is financial backing to accomplish it. Do I major in Art, which would be so fantastic I can't even fathom it, or go for a more mundane degree in business that would plonk me solidly in an office some where spending my days pushing paperwork for ungrateful bosses?

I had the thought a few months ago that it would be neat to open a bead shop just down the road at a small new plaza that's been opened up in the last year. I don't know about running a small business though, but I don't know of any bead shops in the area although there might be one down in the OKC area or maybe up in Tulsa. Not sure how much of a demand in the area there would be, don't know of any local beaders. It would be neat to do it and have classes etc for different styles of beading.

Getting ready

2009-12-30T20:27:00.003-06:00

I choose to believe that 2010 will be a good year. It will be filled with good things and right people. Good health, happiness, prosperity, abundance.

Live well, Love much, Laugh often.

I think I may try a collage or dreamboard for the coming year or maybe a list of goals, things to aspire to, aspects of self to nurture, words to achieve, possibilities to explore. Could be a very good way to focus, to move toward goals.

Snow

2009-12-28T11:05:00.004-06:00

Funny face my 17 year old drew

The path I dug out to get to the chickens and horses

The husband's car drifted in.

Looking down the front of the house from the front door.

We got a little bit of snow.

New post over at Squirrelly Ducks.

After Christmas

2009-12-26T01:27:00.002-06:00

I think we had a good xmas this year.

There were some surprises, for me and for others. The best part was Rhi and B coming over Christmas day since our usual Christmas eve get together got snowed out with what they are calling the historic blizzard of 2009 for Oklahoma. The only person we've been missed is Devin and while he is out of the Navy now and back in the state, he has chosen to stay at his gf's parents house in town while looking for a job and apartment. Supposedly. From the amount of calls I've gotten from him in the past three days I think he's missing being at home for xmas, missing being with his family. Hopefully the roads will clear enough over the next day or two and he'll manage to make it out for a few hours to visit.

I had the horses all blanketed by feed time Tuesday as freezing rain was predicted for that night, the temps dropped Wednesday and made me very glad they were blanketed. I was skeptical that we'd be getting any snow or that if we did it would be mild. Boy was I wrong and very thankful I had put the blankets on them as well as the fact we had gotten the shed done in the fall so they could at least have some where to get out of the horrible wind and stinging sleet and snow. I'll have to try to get some photos tomorrow, we've never had good sized drifts built up around the place. I spent Christmas morning digging through drifts to make pathways to be able to get to the chicken coop and horses so I could do chores, and clearing a path in front of the house to be able to get from the driveway area to the front door.
The day was bright and clear, sun shining blindingly off the snow.

Winter Solstice

2009-12-21T23:28:00.003-06:00

Well it's been fairly quiet Solstice. The weather was mild this afternoon and the wind not too bad. It would have been nice to have spent more time with the horses, but I was busy with other things.

I managed to get my first bead embroidery done, completely finished and mailed to my secret pal from the horse board for her xmas surprise. I have really enjoyed the process of beading on fabric just for the sheer creating factor. It's rare that I start a new craft and find myself just enjoying the process and NOT becoming frustrated at some part of it. I am really really looking forward to the BJP2010.

At feeding time tonight I worked on cleaning up the coral area since I've let that go for the past week or so. I've been raking out the shed and the surrounding areas in to piles to be carted out later, so I got that all carted out to compost. When I was finished and putting up the mower and cart I had leaned the rake and manure shovel up against the dogs chain link fence. It was just past dusk so a bit dark out and I walked over to get them to put over by the cart and managed to step on the back of the rake head causing it to whip up and attack me. One second I'm reaching for the rake and the next I saw a flash of light and heard a pop sound then stood there wondering what happened and why I saw a flash of light. It's absurd that I managed to give myself a pretty good black eye from taking a whack to the eyebrow/eye area from a rake handle.

Needless to say, I've had a quiet evening of not being real motivated to do much.

New paths

2009-12-03T10:08:00.002-06:00

The new year is coming around not too much farther away, well the calender new year anyway. Winter solstice isn't too far away. Time to start looking to what things I want to bring in to my life in the future.

Towards that end I took a jump in to a new area for me and joined the Bead Journal Project 2010. It's a good starting point, putting myself out there to learn new things and hopefully make some new friends. You can't become a part of any community by constantly sitting on the sidelines and watching from afar. Some times you just need to suck it up and jump that puddle to meet people on the other side.

Manifesting

2009-11-30T09:14:00.003-06:00

The process of bringing what you want in to your life by belief that it will happen. Interesting thoughts etc on that here.

I can't seem to meditate, then again maybe I don't quite get the process or procedure on that one. It's uncomfortable for me to try sitting up and if I lay down to meditate, I fall asleep. I suppose sleep is it's own form of meditation though, right?!

Anyhow, I was thinking about it and I do believe that if you send your heart wishes/desires out there in to the universe at some point they will become reality. The key point to this is that you need to be actively working toward those things, not just expecting that putting your wish out there will suddenly gain you what you want. You can't win the lottery if you don't put the effort in to driving down to the corner gas station or quikmart and actually purchasing the ticket.

Years ago I put out the wish/desire to be living in our own home instead of renting, a place that me and my family could be happy and safe etc. It didn't exactly turn out the way I was picturing. Instead of a cute stick-built house with a wrap around porch we ended up in a doublewide manufactured home(trailer). Of course at the time we decided this was the way to go there were many plans along with this involving three adults.... one of which was a full time student, the other turned out to self-sabotage themselves in one way or another until they eventually moved out on their own leaving us stuck holding the bag on a few issues, and then there was me. I stayed working under a boss that made my life an absolute misery for 8 years. I liked the job I did well enough, found my own satisfaction out of helping my users, but yeah... the boss... she made my life hell and I was an angry, resentful person. Anyhoo, it turns out that all those years as child wishing for "my own pony" and longing for a horse to have the "Black Stallion" experience... came true when I was, 32 I think? Little did I/we know back then that at some point I would be wanting more land than just a small 3.5 acre plot... a lot more land. If we ever manage to win the lottery there's a 160 acre chunk of land just up the road I'd buy...wooo no neighbors driving me nuts, plenty of room to trail ride on my own property without having to tailer any where. Failing that, the husband and I have talked about trying to find a 5 or 10 acre place we'd be happy with, plenty of room for the horses etc. We'll see if that ever happens, not holding my breath in other words.

I have found myself wondering... since apparently the whole manifesting thing can take many many years to appear... if I caused my own job loss. I wished for years that I could just stay home and be an at-home-mom and housewife, and except for a 5 month period in between jobs a few years ago I have spent most of my kids' growing up being a working mom. Ironically then, that one leaves home and the other drops out of high school to get his GED(strongly protested by his parents) and I suddenly get laid off from a job I had been planning on working at for many more years. Hmmm. Did all that wishing to be home manifest at this much later date, causing me to get laid off? That is why there is the saying "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!"

Strange isolation

2009-11-29T13:10:00.003-06:00

I've been dwelling the past few days, probably more than that but the Thanksgiving holiday sidetracked it. Thanksgiving was nice though, Rhi and her son came over and I cooked the meal. The food all turned out well and my only complaint, if you would call it one, was that I cooked too small of a turkey so there was almost no leftover. I didn't make a cherry pie this year, it's D's favorite and was the reason I would make it. I just knew I'd get teary and mopey over the cherry pie because he wasn't home, so I didn't make one. All together though the later part of the morning and afternoon went well I thought and I think every one enjoyed themselves.

The dwelling thing, I've been thinking about isolation and solitude. Similar but not quite. I have a lot of time for solitude now, some times it feels like I'm isolated from the bigger world. I haven't decided if I'm ok with that or not. It doesn't help when people go on and on in excruciating detail about their day at work, conversations in verbatim etc, every time you talk to them as if that is the only part of their life that bears any attention. When I try to talk about my day or things that interest me that I've found on the web or whatever it seems like I get blown off frequently. The end result is that I've largely stopped talking to them except on only the most superficial level. I'm very prepared to sit listening to their days and when they feel obligated to inquire about my day to respond with "oh not much" or "same thing different day" rather than to share my thoughts or ideas. 'Cause really, who wants to hear that my day consisted of doing laundry and vaccuming, or cleaning up horse manure in the coral to cart over to the garden area to compost. The other thoughts I have about articles or reading crafter's blogs they don't really care about any way. I miss having some one to really talk to, some one that is truly interested in my thoughts and really listens and HEARS what I say.

That whole not really hearing what I say has turned in to a huge wall as well that only adds to the isolated feeling. I have in the past gone to an art festival and pointed out things, oil paintings or silk scarves or blown glass objects, that I would love.... a certain style of painting, color/style of glass, artistry in dyeing a silk scarf... and it has turned out that with supposedly good intentions I've ended up with things that are no where near the style or type I had pointed out. It's like saying I'm in the mood for ice cream, ask some one to pick it up on the way home, and instead they bring home cookies because that will be just as good right? Uh, no. It just makes me feel like I'm not being heard, that no one listens to the actual words that come out of my mouth. I wish I could say these were isolated rare occurrences, but they aren't. My birthday this last year was a prime example and most people I think didn't realize how much my feelings were hurt, but late at night the husband pushed too far making some comment and I went off on a major rant that included him and his supposed idea of what I wanted which was something I had pointed out that I did NOT like which in turn made him defensive because he had at least tried and wasn't that good enough?! I ended up out in the pasture, some time after midnight, in the dark sitting on a feed bucket chain smoking with Raven standing over me whuffling in my hair trying not to cry from the hurt feelings I had over the whole thing and just wishing every one had forgotten it was my birthday instead. The world at large only heard that the day was fine, no big deal. Because isn't that what you are supposed to say no matter how you feel inside? Oddly enough it was a person who doesn't know me personally that had sent a surprise a few days before hand that made the day even remotely special for me by sending a framed drawing they had done of Raven. Sad when some one who only knows me through a horse board on line managed to give me some thing I consider special for a birthday when my own family and close friends couldn't have been as considerate.

I know I'm loved my family and friends, I shouldn't complain about any thing cause there are people out there that have it worse in so many different ways. It's just some times "be thankful for what you have and the life you have" really comes up at odds with how a person feels inside.

Random musings

2009-11-15T14:54:00.003-06:00

A day of random thoughts, winding roads around the internet following links and reading blogs. It's a rainy, gray day with a small breeze and a chill. A good day to stay indoors, a pot of stew long simmering on the stove for dinner, puttering around the house and surfing at whim on the internet.

I started at The Hermitage reading my way back through entries I've missed lately, loving the imagery from the photos, artwork, and the words. I would love to custom order one of her clocks, but there is no way I could afford some thing so extravagant. It got me to thinking why couldn't I make my own clock?! It wouldn't be a special, fantastical artwork of Rima's of course, but maybe some thing I could enjoy nontheless.

Finding the wood and installing the small battery operated clockwork is the easy part in my mind, it's the imagination and drawing and painting that are the hard part. Not to mention what or how exactly do you paint it? Oils on wood I suppose, but I do not know the how's or what's of painting on a flat surface let alone the types of mediums etc. The drawing part, well I haven't drawn really since high school twenty some odd years ago and I wasn't very good with people or animals very much. The imagination part of things, I don't perceive myself as creative imagining new things off the wall or out of thin air so to speak. I have a great imagination, there are wonderful vivid worlds in my head when I read stories/books, but when there are no stories or words to paint the pictures in my head... then I am lost. There will be a long road I suppose of working toward some thing like this. I think I might start with some drawing again, refreshing myself by putting pencil to paper. Then I will see where it goes.

From there I followed a link to Anchors and Masts, I absolutely love the clock she commissioned. It may be my favorite clock of Rima's so far. I followed this link from there and it made me think of my own parents deaths and how I did or did not handle grief and that story at Mind Sieve resonated with me.

I have some thinking to do as it reminded me of dream I had some time in the past several months. I don't remember it all now or even most of it when I had woken up at the time, but the thing that has stuck with me was the rage I felt in the dream. I don't think I have ever experienced that level of pure, terrifying, exquisite rage in my waking world or have ever had the idea even that I could harbor that level, that deep and strong of emotion of that type . I remember wandering outside with coffee and a cigarette, my morning ritual of waking up the rest of the way starting my day off outside while the dogs roam their yard, as I sat there thinking of that dream it amazed me the emotion was so strong and so real in the dream over an issue I had thought I was long past and at peace with. The side of my family that I guess disowned me after my parents and older brother died, the half-siblings from my Mother's first marriage, one sister in particular that my Mother had thought would keep everyone together and in touch was in the dream. I say "I guess" because I do not know what happened or why any of them stopped returning my letter/cards/calls, all I do know that is any contact I've tried to keep has been ignored and in some cases letters returned unopened.

Anyway, I had a lot of hurt over this and to be sure anger at those I had grown up perceiving as family at abandoning me when I had thought they would be there for me the most. My parents and the one older brother nearest to me at 7 years older were my world growing up, my core family. The half-siblings I mentioned were extended family, all much older than I, along with nieces and nephews around my own age. I remember few summer trips to visit them on the east coast and only one or two occasions of them coming to visit our house while growing up. The half-siblings on my Father's side I did not know at all, I was aware of them existing but hadn't met any until I was 20 and never really knew until after my core family had all died with in four months of each other. It occurs to me now that I never knew what to do with the grief, how to process it or handle it when my core family passed on to the other side.

I felt abandoned and alone on so many levels and through it all when parts of the extended family showed up for Mom's wake or my brother's funeral in another state or when Dad died them saying they saw no reason to come out since I wasn't putting on a funeral and they had already taken what they wanted from my parents house at Mom's, I kept the "stiff upper lip" and worked hard at keeping the calm, capable, unfazed mask on... the one I thought my Mom would have expected me to have that everything was fine to the outside world. All together it was a pretty horrible year, bankruptcy and a failing marriage with two small children, the death of the three people closest to me, eventual messy divorce, and moving to another state completely to get away. Through it all I kept wondering why that part of the family wasn't there for me, the extended family I had always known as part of my family just disappeared from my life. So this dream I had then was no surprise that I reacted to that particular sister the way I did in the dream, the surprise to me was that there was still so much emotion attached to it and the absolute pure rage of betrayal I felt there in that dream. My awake, every day mind has resolved the issue years ago and came to peace with the fact that it was their loss not to know me or my kids, a small corner of my mind even held the thought that if/when they meet Mom on the other side they are so in deep shit. Funny now, but not so much when I was working through the emotions I had no idea how to handle. It's interesting, reading that blog and having so many years in between, to see how if I had just known a little more or had more experience with death I could have dealt so much better with it then.

What an excellent day

2009-10-31T22:55:00.003-05:00

Today has just been a great day all the way around.

Woke up a little later than i would have liked, but that is ok... coffee brewed and I took the dogs outside to enjoy my coffee on the small deck in their yard while they ran making the rounds and taking care of business. The weather was gorgeous this morning so Rhi and I chatted on the phone for while, she decided to head over so I got a quick shower and was ready to go when she got here. There's a quilting shop up the road about 5 miles or so which was just happening to have a 25% off sale today. It's been a long time since we've gone out just puttering around any store let alone any type of craft/fabric store. I swear I could sit in the middle of their batik fabric rows for hours, so many batiks in all kinds of colors and designs. Drool! I didn't bring home any batik though, even though I picked at least 5 different ones with similar colors in different designs that would be fantastic in a quilt. Maybe one of these days I can talk myself in to it. We hemm'd and ha'd over kits and patterns and fabric bolts and Moda jelly rolls and heavy thick flannel and oogled all the finished quilts on the walls. By the time we finally decided to go home, Rhi had picked a Moda jelly roll and I picked two paper piece type specialty patterns along with yard each of 5 differnt fabrics from the clearance bin. I can't wait to try the patterns out!

Later on when the hubby took K. to work to drop him off, I got the truck hooked up to the flatbed trailer and headed to the home-despot (heh) store to collect the wood and such to build a small 8 x 16 foot horse shed! We've been trying to get one built for the last 5 years at least, after the bad ice storms and blanketing the horses in the dark after work last winter I told the hubby no more. One way or another we were going to get something up for the horses to be able to get out of the weather this winter. I am so excited to get this project under way, the weather forecast says we have 5 to 7 days of temps in the 60's and no rain. Hubby met me at the store and we wandered through the wood, shingle, nail aisles gathering up materials loaded it up in the trailer and made for home to get chores done.

While the horses were eating I pointed out the three spots we could build that don't flood in bad rains that we could still rework the corral area to split the shed so each group of horses had a side to get in to and still be kept separate from each other. Much discussion went on of the plans I have to build post and wood corral at some point and the placement of drive through gates to make it easier to pull round bales in to the east side etc. I'm trying to make things easier around here for me to be able to do by myself if I need to without a lot heavy work that I shouldn't be doing because of my back or neck. We'll get it there eventually, it's just going to have to be spread out over time as I bargain hunt for materials as the funds become available a little here and a little there. After the horses were done eating, specifically Salera so I could let her out of her corral area back in with Cooper, we headed in to the house to get cleaned up.

Today is our wedding anniversary and the hubby wanted to take me out to dinner just the two of us as a splurge. Dinner was fantastic, from the Blue Cheese wedge salads to the dinners and drinks, margarita for me and a Fosters for him... all of it was great. Definitely worth the splurge for our anniversary!

Even the little things that went "not right" today didn't detract from the overall good day I had today and that is such a nice change. I've been stressing over the being unemployed and money issues, there's been things that have popped up that needed to be taken care of immediately(dr visits) or are going to need to be taken care of soon(replacing a water well pump) and it's all just built up. I went from an anxiety/panic attack over bills/money one day to the next day everything suddenly being better than fine. A little refinancing on one small loan and the last of the insurance settle on the house showing up and poof... breathing room all of a sudden. We managed to pay off the truck and have enough left to build a small horse shed... one less payment a month helps out tremendously. I am just amazed at how everything turned around in the space of a day. Life is funny like that some times. Some how it was a turning point for me and now I'm noticing the little things that make the day, almost without effort or having to remind myself to look for the good and I like that. I know there's always going to be rough spots and I'm pretty sure I'll stress myself out at times because I worry...it's just what I do, I'm a worrier. But for now I hope the days I notice a gorgeous view out of the window of the truck as I drive down the road or the simple joy of walking outside in not-quite 70 degree weather with the warm sun and a slight breeze(my favorite kind of day), the joy of knowing a long hoped for project is finally going to happen... all those little moments matter... I hope those moments stick with me more than the stress I cause myself with worrying.

I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween, I know I sure did!

Sitting in a Lake

2009-10-29T08:30:00.002-05:00

This would be the view of my front yard this morning looking out across to the neighbor on the other side of the street. Why, yes... it is flooded over the road in to their yard and beyond.

I didn't sleep very well last night, lots of tossing and turning, then some time after I managed to fall asleep I woke up to heavy winds shaking the house while the rain just poured and beat against the house hard enough to sound like hail. I laid there wondering how bad it was going to get because every time I thought it was coming down as hard as it would get, it would get just a little worse. I'm not sure what time it was except that it was still dark and no alarms had gone off yet, but the husband got up muttering that maybe he should check the TV/news to see if there were tornadoes. Tornadoes people!! In OCTOBER! Sigh.

Moving Along

2009-10-28T11:16:00.003-05:00

Fall has been a bit odd here this year. We had a couple of weeks of grey/rain/drizzle early in the month, which is odd, and very few nice days that you could be outside enjoying the weather getting stuff done in the yard. Frustrating to say the least. I had lots of things that I had left to do in the nicer weather and then it didn't show up. The wind has been blowing like crazy more often than not, so that makes it challenging to do any thing outside too.

I've been busy running the kid around to finish up paperwork etc for going in to the Army. There has been a lot of hurry up and wait with that. He still needs to loose two percent of his BMI before they get him signed up with delayed entry, it was tentative that he'd be possibly leaving in January then yesterday they said if they can get him in with in the next two weeks he could be leaving mid November. We were informed of that over dinner out with Rhi last night. I managed to keep my calm, mostly, but I'm not ready for this. Especially not ready for the whole "yeah if I go auto-mechanic they said right after tech school I'd probably be sent straight over to the sand". I just keep reminding myself that nothing is set in stone yet and it's his life, I don't have to like his choices what he wants to do with it I just need to be supportive.

Time to change the subject! We had some really good things happen lately like paying off the truck... woooo... and the last of the insurance money was returned from the mortgage company so we can move ahead on improvements around here. It wasn't a large amount, but we opted to get the truck loan finished up early and have planned out a simple horse shed that we are going to build. Little steps. I've got what I need planned out and the flat trailer borrowed to go get everything. I'm very excited that the horses will have a place to get out of the winter weather... now if we can just get some good days to get it done when people are actually here to help do it. I need to finish picking the spot where we'll put it too, I have at least two spots it can go that shouldn't flood when we have bad rains... it's just settling on the area that will make it more usable in the grand scheme of everything else like running electric and setting up split areas so both groups of horses can use it and still be kept separate.

Still not sure what I am doing on the job front, but after a lot of researching and talking it's become more apparent that I have options I hadn't considered. Going back to school, not sure if long term or short term on that but I think it will be something for business administration if I do. I could just stay home... which is what I've wanted to do for years... to just do my own thing. After all these years of that not being an option, it's suddenly there. Now I just need to figure my head out about what it is I want to do. I spend a lot of time thinking of the have-to's and should's... it's kind of strange to find I can think of choices that don't have anything to do with that.

I want to Remember this...

2009-10-06T00:50:00.004-05:00

The Creator Gathered all of creation together and said.....
I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realisation that they create their own reality".
The Eagle said, "Give it to me, i will take it to the moon".
The creator said, "No, one day they will go there and find it".
The salmon said, "I will bury it at the bottom of the ocean".
The creator said, " No they will go there too".
The buffalo said, "I will bury it on the great plains".
The creator said, " No, they will cut the skin of the Earth and find it even there".
Grandmother mole, who lives in the breast of Mother earth, and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes said, "Put it inside of them".
And the creator said, "It is done!"

Native American (Sioux) Proverb

I found it wandering through Cleveland Girlie.

Horse Therapy

2009-09-23T18:51:00.002-05:00

I spent the day having horse therapy. Didn't want to be in the house, tired of the odd crying jags, I went out groomed Imbri and tacked her up. I rode for about an hour around the pasture. Mostly just walking and getting the two of us reaquainted, but we did get some trotting in and I tried a small bit of cantering. I started getting a little bouncy in the canter, so had to pull her up and figure out why I was scrunching up. I am thinking I'm just not ready yet, need more work on the stretching/relaxing and core strengthening. It might not seem like a big deal to most people, but it was the best hour I've had in a long time.

Then I grabbed grooming supplies, halter & lead rope, lunge line, and whip.... got Cooper picked out his hooves and lunged him for a bit. Afterwards we had a good full grooming session. Cooper got set loose and I worked with Salera, who completely lost her mind on the lunge line. Lunging is not something I've worked with her on before, so the crazed over reaction from her was not a surprise. It took a little bit to get her calmed enough to listen.... there was a large section of time that she just whipped around me without paying attention. It took a lot of work to get one circle each way to end on a good note, but at the end she was calmer and chewed contemplating the new events. Then she got a complete grooming session. The only horse I didn't do much with today was Raven, but he got a pretty good work out while I was riding Imbri... I used him as a herding target to refine communication between Imbri and I.

Nothing like horse therapy, best thing in the world for a sore heart.

Just one of those months

2009-09-23T11:06:00.003-05:00

The past few weeks have been trying, to say the least. Just one of those periods of time where problems seem to crop up daily and drag on.

We removed several sheets of drywall last week from the "craft" room and adjoining bathroom due to a water leak in the wall. The leak has been going on for some time and there was black mold in there. Everything is dismantled and ripped up, bleached and waiting for the next steps. It will take some time due to financial restrictions, but eventually the bathroom will have to be remodeled to have a working shower and tub in there again. During the whole process the water had to be shut of at the main cutoff in the laundry room. That now has a slow leak on it as well as part of the handle snapping off when we turned tried to get the cutoff to shut all the way. That is being repaired shortly when there is time and enough people at home to accomplish it.
Home ownership can really suck some times.

I know there were other small trials that aren't coming to mind at the moment due to larger and sadder events. The end result was that we ended up putting our sweet Mist to sleep this morning. I am heartbroken over it, even more so for the fact that she was one of Devin's cats and he'll be just as heartbroken if not even more so. After a trip to the vet last week and taking her back Monday morning, IV fluids being ran for the last two days, her kidneys were still not responding and had shut down completely. I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if she had seen my regular vet last Friday instead of the one she did see. I do know that any of my other animals, unless there is absolutely no other choice, will not ever see that vet again and will see my normal vet. I know it doesn't do me any good to play the "what if" but still I wonder.

Random bits

2009-08-17T08:55:00.002-05:00

Lately it seems I can't win for losing. I wanted to go ride Imbri last Friday, was up early and the morning was cooler than it had been in ages. One thing came up after another and pretty soon it's past 10am and I've found out the neighbors in the back had wanted to "help" by giving the horses grass clippings. Oh. My. God. If they'd have been any of my other neighbors they'd have gotten one hell of an ass chewing. I explained why they please should NOT do that and to please not do it again and then spent 20 minutes or so kicking lumps grass clippings out of the pasture. Imbri is a very food motivated mare and if there is any chance of extra food or treats of any sort she is on it like white on rice, so I can only imagine that she scarfed down tons of it before I got out there. Needless to say I didn't get any riding in that day. I've been keeping an eye on her over the weekend and she's been fine. I couldn't sleep last night and ended up staying up all night, there's a nice wind and the morning dawned beautiful. I figured I would see the husband off to work and go grab my tack and saddle up to ride this morning. I walk out and there is Imbri hobbling on her fronts. She has bad front legs and feet anyway and the littlest things can make her sore. Of course I'm dreading going out to look at her feet, but surely it can't be that bad as she's walking around and grazing and not standing in a founder stance. I picked her feet out, she did have some pretty thick mud clumps packed in her front feet and it could have been enough to make her a little sore. After wiping every one down with fly wipe I've been keeping a close eye on Imbri, her feet aren't any hotter than normal and she's not pulling her weight back off the front feet. Again I'm not going to get to ride and now I'm going to be worrying constantly about her until she no longer is showing up sore.

A completely unrelated note I've been thinking about for a little bit. I was reading a book and got to thinking on the topic of being alone/lonely. It is interesting to discover certain connections that a person thought they had... with family, friends, acquaintances .. are not there. Either the connections aren't there any longer or possibly they were only there in that person's perception and weren't there any way. It is a strange perception to think from, that even with others you are alone.. that there is no solid common ground or connection. Is there a realization of being lonely in that case? What would that person do once they perceive that they are alone in that way? It would be a solitary state of being to embrace that, to decide to encompass that as your life and just exist that way.

Bear

2009-08-16T12:31:00.003-05:00

I've been wasting a lot of time on the time-suck known as facebook the past couple of weeks while the weather has been too hot to do much during the day.

There are these quiz things, a couple of them have been of the "what is your spirit animal" etc variety. Lately every one of them that has referenced an animal has given me Bear.

You have a Bear personality: don't worry it's nothing to get offended over. Bears are the loners in the world, the ones who prefer to be lost in their own thoughts and lives rather than others. That doesn't mean they don't have relationships or friends just that a Bear personality typically likes to have a lot of alone time and they are very self contained. Relationships come and go but Bear personalities are self reliant and can for the most part be perfectly happy alone. Bears are also people you don't want to mess with their self confidence leads them to be intimidating so it isn't often that anyone messes with them anyway, but a Bear does not like to be intruded on. Solitary but protective Bears are the people everyone else look to for advice, but they rarely volunteer it. Bears should avoid Wolves and Horses and some Rabbits, but get along great with foxes and Eagles.

Interestingly spot-on.

The color ones have been giving me Orange:

Orange personalities are the creative adventurers in the color spectrum. They have an inner urge to be creative, active and enjoy life to its fullest. They are also individual and... independent and integrate physical and mental qualities. They enjoy the challenge and excitement of forming and shaping physical reality. Orange personalities love to imagine and plan strategies for their next adventure or project and then put those plans into action. They need to be involved in the actual working process and want to physically shape and form their own ideas. They have difficulty sitting back and letting other people do things for them. They are always busy building, organizing and shaping their projects and physical reality. An Orange personality's motivation in life is based on how much pleasure and satisfaction they get out of their own adventures, challenges and creative projects. They want to be adventurous, creative and live out their own ideas.

Nothing much

2009-08-07T14:24:00.011-05:00

Nothing much going on. Every day seems to melt in to the next, same thing different day. Clean, wash, scrub, mow, feed, trim, blah. It's interesting how much I don't seem to get done when I consider how much I do. That's life though I suppose, there's always something left to do no matter how much you've already accomplished in a day.

The husband and one of his co-workers have been off in San Francisco,California for the week in a software training class for work. It seems his first impression of San Diego is "it's really dirty here". Snort. He mentioned that everything is stacked up on everything else and the steep hills/slopes are killer as they have been walking every where they go. Poor guy has shin splints from hell it would seem. The grunge factor doesn't surprise me, it's the coast and a large city... stands to reason in my mind. Everything stacked on top of each other, again... it's a large city... AND unlike Oklahoma which has wide open sprawl down to a science, most large cities do tend to build up first rather than out. Dragging him out to live in the country all this time has really changed that former city boy's perspective.

The youngest has been out and about with friends most of the week and has spent a couple of nights at friend's places, so it's just been the animals and I knocking around the house. I had grand plans to get all kinds of stuff done this week, a lot of it outside. The only planned thing I managed to get done was on Sunday when I got back from airport and that was trimming hooves and deworming the horses while it was still pretty early. The temps have been high 90 to low 100's and we've had a few storm fronts move through which have made it humid and sticky outside. So much for doing anything outside during the main part of the day. It's been a pretty boring, quiet week.

The oldest's birthday is next week and I managed to get a box in the mail to him yesterday. Nothing big, a box of some of his favorite goodies from home to let him know he's thought of and hopefully make smile for a few days while he's trudging through his Navy schooling in San Diego. We don't tend to hear much from him, but the last time we talked in IM he thinks he'll be home for a visit some time in October.

On to some photos from around the place:

Here's the welcoming committee meeting you at the front door; Maeve, Modi, Princess, and a Mouse butt.

Baxter doing what Baxter does best, laying on the vent and keeping the toy from Mouse.

Mouse getting ready to be a freak because Mom is taking photos.

Chasing the camera around the house... take picture of me me Me Me ME ME ME!!!

Griffin sleeping in the oversized rocking chair.

We are not amused with the waking up.

Magick napping on the cedar chest, he doesn't care if you are taking pictures...do not disturb the napping.

Suki is a little dazed and confused.

On to some outside photos:

Cooper and Salera hanging out in the pasture.

Look! She's got the camera!

Red crepe murtle in the front yard.

White crepe murtle in front of horse pasture.

Why yes, I was bored this afternoon :)

Perspective

2009-07-18T15:23:00.002-05:00

It's interesting how a person's perspective can change. Certain things come to light and change your view point, change your opinion.

I can no longer support the horse rescue I have been helping out at occasionally. I've kept my opinions to myself, worked hard to give the benefit of the doubt regardless of certain feelings or thoughts I've had. Now it's time to cut ties.

I've helped out long enough there to see people come and go, wondering why they would "suddenly" stop showing up. I took the snide comments I heard with a grain of salt, kept an open mind. I never got to hear both sides of the story, never heard from the actual person why they stopped even though I suspected that the things being said about them weren't necessarily the whole truth. I'm usually a pretty good judge of character and some things I've heard didn't quite ring true about the people they were said of.

When the person in charge belittles efforts, is unappreciative, is completely inflexible about changing routines or training methods, and outright lies about help that was offered, saying that they can't find any one to do what I've offered to do, it's time for me to let go and move on. The thing that bothers me the most though is that no one associated out there will hear my side of things, that even if I was to call the director to confront her on these things I'll be made out to be the bad guy. Just as I've heard others made out to be. Volunteers or fosters that in one conversation were just the best and great suddenly being referred to as crazy, neglectful, lazy, unsuitable.

I've offered my time as much as I was willing to take away from my own home and animals and worse, I offered my honest true friendship which is something I don't do lightly or easily. This morning I read a comment she made on her forum that was so blatantly full of lies it amazed me. Left me feeling backstabbed.

Looking at the bigger picture the rescue that I thought was a good cause is nothing more than a store house with horses as the inventory. Out of 30, give or take, horses listed on site only 7 are listed as adoptable. The rest are "sanctuary" cases or used in a fairly non-existent supposed kids program. I adopted a horse with my property unseen, at the time I thought it was because she truly knew and understood that I was good home from calling my references and vet if nothing else. Now I know it's because they don't site check at all, not before or after adoption... and I'm not the only one they haven't and don't. The minute a person who was "in" disagrees with or calls bullshit on a misdirection or lie, they are the bad guy the crazy gone psycho person. The only good thing I CAN say is that yes the horses are well taken care with feed, vet and farrier care... that any money raised for the rescue is definitely used for the rescue on those things. The other side of the story is a rescue that doesn't actively recruit knowledgeable horse people, that constantly puts newbies out with horses that barely lead, that doesn't look to use funds to hire experienced trainers in any manner to help horses get trained and be more adoptable, that uses volunteers as an expendable commodity... all the while singing it's own praises on how much they do, how put upon they are, blah blah blah.

I'd rather support a facility like Days End rather than even give link support to one that just seems to treat it all as a game to support their own ends on keeping as many horses as possible for their own with everyone else providing the support.

I hate the thought that I will be made out to be the bad guy in the situation, but I don't tolerate liars or back stabbers. Now I see how and why other good people I have met out there have disappeared.

Scattered

2009-06-25T11:05:00.002-05:00

My thoughts are scattered, running around in circles in my head. Sometimes I wonder if the clutter in the house reflects the clutter in my head.

Poke at this thought, dwell on that one, and oh hey what about....? Frustrating place some times, my head. I spend a lot of time in my head, pondering about this and that non-linear thought jumbled and jumping around. Too many ideas and not enough action lately.

I haven't ever known what I want to be "when I grow up". Some one will ask what are you interested in? Everything, anything, what ever catches my fancy at what ever moment. How do you find a career, how do you know what you want to do without a doubt beyond anything else? No clue.

I'm drawn to art, to creating something with my hands. Colors and forms, impressions and expressions. How do I make that a job? How do I make it something that will support every day life? Do the things I do as a "hobby" qualify as some thing that can be considered art, that is marketable? Do I need some degree to validate my work or is it some thing I can approach with just life experience and the creating to back me up? What connections do I need to make, what people or places do I need to associate with to do this? Can I do some thing like this?

I'm a hermit, don't generally like being around crowds of people and definitely not a social butterfly. It isn't easy for me to meet new people and going to some strange place to put myself "out there" walking up to some stranger and striking up a conversation is such a foreign idea it gives me nerves to even just think about it.

My husband said the other night... you spend too much time alone as it is. How do I convince myself to suck it up and hide the nerves, force myself to go out and find what it is I want to do. Maybe I'll look in to taking a class, learn some thing new and push myself out the door. Such an atypical Gemini.

Mid Way Through

2009-06-04T10:32:00.006-05:00

As always, time just seems to slip by and we're suddenly in to a new month. Half way through the year already!

I've been keeping busy with the gardening and enjoying spring flowers,

fussing with the new chicks and ducklings,

trying to motivate to spend more time with the horses and get back in to a steady routine of training & riding

and other wise just puttering around the house. Lately I've been on a sporadic mission to reduce the clutter in the house, cleaning out cabinets, sorting through old clothes... and sending it to charity to be found by some one who might need it all. If I'm not rummaging around cleaning and clearing in the house, I'm outside mowing or working in the garden or with the animals.

Other times I'm playing taxi to the 17 year old.

Happy May!

2009-05-06T13:17:00.002-05:00

I think I've always loved May. More than likely because it meant the end of school when I was growing up, which means the beginning of summer. The last decade has given me reasons not to like certain months so much, including May, but as I've gotten older those reasons have just become another part of the circle of life. So, yes, it's May and I still love when it becomes this month.

I came across this old post by Jude on Spirit Cloth. It got me thinking about all of the changes this year and how now I'm trying to redefine myself... how I perceive me. It's a work in progress. I've been thinking lately about who I thought I was just after high school and what things I thought I might do with my future... and while revisiting those ideas trying to feel out whether I want to rejuvenate any of them. I remember thinking I would like to go in to psychology or marine biology as a career, I wanted to get meaningful tatoos, pierce my navel and learn how to belly dance, travel and explore, have a huge loft apartment, no commitments, no kids, single and busy. Life happens, priorities change. I had kids and the other dreams fell by the wayside. Now that the kids are grown, one of in the Navy and the youngest only steps away from rushing out in to his life... I'm looking to find me again.

Do WHAT?!

2009-04-17T20:54:00.002-05:00

I think I need to drink more... or at least more often. Lordy!

I love my sons dearly, have made every effort to step out of their way so they can deal and learn with life as they go. Between the honest to goodness... high schooler teenage girlfriend... and the other 19 year old going to blame everything on everyone else it wasn't me girlfriend... I've manage quiet well to keep my mouth shut.

I am so tired of being accused of bullshit, and so tired of the supposed gf's trying to drive this huge wedge in between the boys' and their parents... and it's the gf's doing it, not me.... the whole... well it's your family or me bullshit. Lordy!! Save me from high school mentality drama.

I didn't deal with this kind of shit when I WAS in high school... I'm certainly not going to play games like that now.

Catching up

2009-04-17T16:18:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been an interesting few weeks. Time flies and all that.

We, hubby me and Rhi, went up to Great Lakes, IL at the beginning of the month to watch my oldest son graduate from his Navy recruit training. It was so fantastic to see him even if we didn't get to spend as much time with him as we would have liked. We took his gf with us, not going to say much about THAT except it's really interesting the things teenagers will say while in a car for TWO thirteen hour trips. The collective "we" aren't impressed and quite frankly, are very concerned.

Other than that, life around the house is fairly quiet. I'm having a time of it trying to get myself in to some type of a structured routine, way to easy to wander around aimlessly. Working on it.

Mostly have been doing some type of stitching, house work, yard work, or getting out and being with the horses. I've slipped a few times and have slept in a couple of days... and taken a few naps on other days. Neither of which I want to get in to a habit of.

Green Rainbow

2009-04-09T08:10:00.001-05:00

Your rainbow is shaded green.

What is says about you: You are an intelligent person. You feel strong ties to nature and your mood changes with its cycles. Those around you admire your fresh outlook and vitality.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Just some fun.

New Beginnings

2009-03-27T11:56:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty devastated over the whole laid off thing. Wondering constantly why I wasn't good enough to keep, feeling rejected and abandoned and hurt. I loved my job, loved the work I did, enjoyed most of the people I worked with, LIKED going to work everyday. To suddenly find myself tossed out on my ear when there were several other people hired after me that should have gone first and one person in particular that is such a complete fuck up that should have definitely gone first and me trained to fill that spot.... well, I have some serious resentment and pissed offness going on that one. I've been depressed and there's been tears, lots of tears and hurt.

I spent yesterday cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing walls and doors and nooks & crannies. It was productive and helped me work off my anxiety, kept me in the moment instead of dwelling on the woulda, coulda, shoulda, whatamigonnado. Focus, force, action, clearing.

Today, after much websurfing and puttering I've started rummaging in my craft bins, sorting through fabric, dragged the sewing machine to the kitchen table, pulled out a couple of UFO's to stare at. AND I pulled out the ipod my company gave me a year ago and fired that sucker up... turned it up, way up, and went and stood in the freezing rain/drizzle smoking a cigarette and noticing the little things. Suddenly I'm seeing art and beauty in the smallest detail... the rain dropping off the corrugated metal roof of the shed, the tilt of pissy mare's head because she's cold and wet, the raindrops sitting on my truck windshield. I don't know how I suddenly got here in my head, but it's a much better place to be a much better perspective. All of the rest of it is still there in the background, but I'm fighting it trying to actively look for the positive and possibilities and the opportunity of the situation.

I found this today in the archives from her blog:
Krishmanurti said be the peace you want to see. Maybe that starts with the little personal things, the dishes and clean shirt.

But whatever you want, you've got to remember to ask for it. And feel the happiness, as if you already have it.

I'm slowly getting there.

My turn

2009-03-25T15:33:00.003-05:00

Well, I got laid off today. I'm not surprised that they started laying off in the office, but I did think there were one or two others that would go first.

I'm trying very hard to keep a positive attitude about this, but it's hard not to feel betrayed and let down. I worked with some really great people and a couple not so great. Unfortunately I'm the one that got downsized due to lack of activity in my area.

Guess we'll see what the future brings, eh?!

Layoffs started

2009-03-03T16:18:00.003-06:00

There's been talk for a little while how work was trying to avoid layoffs. Well, I guess they couldn't avoid it any longer. We're about 18 to 20 people lighter in the company now. They did layoffs yesterday out in the yard and plant, in the office part we were told last week that there would be no more overtime and if there was any possible it would have to be approved beforehand, but only for things like end of month etc. So it's started.

The hubby got the news yesterday that he got the promotion, to look in to Linux administrator classes he would like to take, and to keep up his current certifications... so it sounds like he's pretty solid where he's at. That is a relief as I have no illusions as to being expendable at my job. When I started here there were 6 people other than myself, now there's 12 because the market expanded that much. It would not surprise me if it went back down by 4 if they needed to. Guess we'll see how the market goes.

We heard from the eldest son's girlfriend Sunday that he had called her, he is doing fine etc. We should be getting the graduation packet in the next week or so as it's looking like that will be April 3rd. He'll have three days that he will have liberty with curfew, so we're looking at leaving the 2nd to drive up and coming back on the 5th.

Other than those bits, life has revolved around horses mostly, either at the rescue or at home, with housework, work, and some stitchery tucked in here and there.

Trudging through

2009-02-19T08:50:00.002-06:00

I'm just trudging through day by day lately. Bad case of the blahs.

I spent time out at the rescue Sunday through Tuesday, took Wednesday night off to work on stuff around home and spend time with my own horses. Tuesday night I rode a black and white paint, that looks like he's Raven's brother, to evaluate him. Considering it was the second ride I've had since back surgery I think I did pretty well. I'm supposed to be working more with some horses out there and start more saddle type training with them. They need more experienced horse people to start getting some of them green broke to riding so they will be easier to adopt out.

I need to get out of my rut. I'm just kinda existing trying to deal with the changes and it seems like each day just drags along. Then I go to bed and get up the next day to do it all over again. Just blah.

It's not supposed to be tornado season yet!

2009-02-12T13:49:00.004-06:00

Tuesday afternoon was fairly... exciting.

We have hail damage on the house and my truck. This one was the second closest I've been to an active tornado. The closest was the one on May 3, 1999. It was only two blocks from my house with all of us in it stuffed in to the bathroom.

It has been feeling like it's late April rather than February here. We've had a very mild winter and it seems that spring is way early. I saw Robins on my drive home from work yesterday.

Change

2009-02-10T10:14:00.002-06:00

Still the changes roll through life.

My oldest was sworn in to the Navy, off on a bus to be sent off on a plane to their version of basic training in Illinois on February 4th.
It's been rougher for me than I expected, but I'm coping and working through this change in my life.

I spent time cleaning his old room this last Sunday, finishing up the little bit of packing he had left, rearranging and vacuuming and washing walls. I'll end up pulling everything out of the closet this weekend and rearranging the storage in there again. I'll put more thought in to how I want to work out a craft room in there while still keeping a bed available for visits.

Other people are going through their own versions of change... good and bad. Unemployment, struggling to make ends meet, family strife and mayhem.

Life and people some times just go bug-nutty.

Icy Weather

2009-01-27T13:08:00.003-06:00

Today's weather. After these pictures were taken it started sleeting heavily again.

Too bad it's coming down as ice instead of snow, but we need the moisture anyway.

Red Horse

2009-01-27T12:40:00.006-06:00

The past week and half has been crazy.

I was sick for two days before leaving for the MO trip. Up and back, roughly 6 hours drive time with stops each way. Back to work that Monday to a fairly busy week. By last Friday I was fulling involved in a drama on the horse board I am a part of concerning neglected/starved horses and waiting to get an email or phone call with a vet's number in Kansas. Actually getting the vet's number was the pivot point to whether I was going to be making another road trip the next morning.

I did get that number, contacted the vet, paid in advance for bloodwork to be done to get a Neg Coggins test, so I could go get a severely neglected horse and transport it over state lines on Saturday. Of course, in the midst of all this, the hubby is trying to find a replacement car and has been driving my truck to work leaving me to hitch rides to my work with Rhi. Luckily he had already gotten preapproved at our bank and once he test drove the "favorite" he had found, all we had to do was take the sales agreement to the bank Saturday morning to finish up the paperwork then run clear across town to drop him off so he could bring the car home.

After that I ran up to get Rhi and the trailer, many problems with the lights later we were on the road to KS way later than was planned to pick up this guy!

Look at that sweet face! Everyone.... meet Cooper!

We took him straight to my vet here locally to be evaluated and gelded.

Poor little red stud.

The vet decided he was still healthy enough and in good enough weight to geld him, so that was done Monday morning along with all his vaccines etc. I was scheduled to pick him up yesterday but then the freezing rain and sleet moved in, so I was unable to trailer in those conditions. He's still at the vet's and I haven't seen him since Sunday evening. Hopefully I'll be able to bring him home tomorrow some time.

Can't wait to get some good weight on him and see him just as fat & happy as my other horses. Some one on the board pointed out a picture of him from 3 months ago when his previous owner first "rescued" him... he used to be a very good looking healthy horse at that time. Picture copied from a public forum online.

It's amazing how just 3 months of neglect and starving has brought this boy low. And yes, that is the same horse.

No Comment

2009-01-22T15:46:00.002-06:00

I have no comment on the inauguration. It was just another day to me.

If I hadn't been sitting in the hospital waiting to get xrays done on my back for my 5 month check up, I would have not have realized that it was happening on Tuesday.

My 5 month check up went well, the called my xrays "amazing". All good. I go back in a year and get a cat scan for that appointment.

Our youngest managed to wreck his Dad's car this past Monday. A bad wreck, he's lucky he came out of it with a broken arm and some soreness. The car is totaled. We figured we'd end up eating a bit of the loan since we've only had that car since spring when the Vibe got totaled, but luckily... we seemed to have had some forethought and got gap insurance on it. Yay. Big sigh of relief. Now we need to go car shopping, yet again, to find the husband another car.

Over the past weekend we drove up to my sister's in Missouri, it was good to see everyone and be able to just sit and chat. I wish we could have stayed longer.

Good Start

2009-01-05T15:07:00.003-06:00

After a hectic day, New Years Eve was quiet. Both the kids were out and we were pick up crew, so not much drinking going on... lots of reading though. A little after 11 we finally turned on the T.V. to watch/listen to the Dick Clark/Ryan Secrest New Years Eve party.

Thursday was a good day to sleep late and putter around the house or yard.

Friday January 2 though.... was an early morning to get in line at the DMV, so the youngest could retake his driver's test. By noon he had completed his goal and driver's license in hand promptly took off in my truck. K. did manage to come home for a short while before borrowing Dad's car to take the gf on a date... which got put on hold for him to gleefully pull in to the driveway with his friend's 1998 Mustang. We'll see if the deal holds out, but the plan they/he has is to buy it from his friend. Needless to say, 16 year old new freedom with his own car and he is gone at the drop of a hat. Up the road to the gf's house, up the road to his friend's house, down 8 miles to the gas station to get a soda, and he is driving it to work as well. A half a tank of gas gone in 24 hours.

Saturday I spent time cleaning up and reconditioning a saddle as they have been terribly neglected over the last year and three months I haven't ridden. I was feeling pretty good and lifting the weight of the saddles was fine. So, I went out and grabbed Imbri, tacked her up, led her back in to the pasture and up in to the saddle. It was only 15 minutes give or take, just walking around the pasture with a small amount of trotting when she would fight me to run before I could get her back in to a walk. Amazing. No pain, None. I can tell I'm out of shape, not used to riding but the small amount of stiffness I had was nothing to what I used to endure just to ride. I'm thankful that 2008 brought those changes, that as long as I am careful and tend to my body I have a large part of my life back.

2009 is going to be a good year for riding!

On to the New Year

2008-12-31T14:32:00.002-06:00

What a crazy, topsy turvy year it's been.

Full of significant changes both within the family and with me. Mile marker ages for the kids at 18 and 16, the teenage drama and angst of girlfriends, the addition of Salera to my little horse herd, the two major surgeries I had, the long drawn out medical issues with my best friend, a death in the family with in the past few weeks that I didn't see coming.

So far I have only one challenge/goal set for myself for the next year because I don't make "New Year's resolutions".
No buying any new craft stuff until what I have stashed up is used. That means fabric, yarn, beads, wool, etc... all of it needs to be used, made in to things for gifts or sale. I think that is a safe challenge as we focus on paying off debt and saving up to fix things on the house. It will have the added bonus of helping to clear out clutter in some spots and empty out bins where my textile and glass treasures have been waiting to become some one else's.

I've been reading Lunar Musings, this post in particular had me doing a lot of thinking last night. I need to work it out and figure out how to express it adequately.

I have been trying to get this post done ALL day, but work has been nothing but hectic from start to finish.

Analyze

2008-12-03T11:37:00.002-06:00

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

Typealyze your blog.

A Year and A Half

2008-12-02T23:30:00.002-06:00

I am frustrated. Having a conversation on the phone, talking about patterns and variations to try, different little stuffed creatures to make, how fun how cute.

Behind me, from opposite sides of the room a sudden irritation, argument, pure pissyness just to be pissy. The negative energy from the exchange washes over me and I loose my train of thought, drop my conversation mid word, wondering if it is yet another situation requiring me to step in to mediate, to try to rebalance the opposing forces once again.

Disappointment, thread of thought lost, conversation drifted to ash suddenly, and I lost my creativity in that moment. Tried to remember what we were saying, not remembering and feeling once again the sense of hopelessness/despair I feel every single time these exchanges happen. Wondering why I even bother trying to craft or create when it’s so often overwhelmed and stifled by the attitudes and negativity of those I live with.

A year and half and the last one will be free, off to explore life without parents imposing limits or simply saying no because they can. Some times I wonder if when he walks out in to his life, he'll bother coming back even for a visit.

Life in the twilight zone

2008-11-25T13:17:00.003-06:00

Some times life seems a little off kilter, a little strange or odd.

There have been many moments over the past several weeks that make me wonder if I slipped in to the twilight zone some how. I've had to ask my husband today if I am some how not portraying the correct expressions on my face some how... if it was possible I was misleading people with my tone of voice or facial expression. I've been told a few times in the past days that either I am irritable or looking at someone like they are cracked or that I'm being explosive. In every instance the emotion/expression/feeling is completely different that what I have ACTUALLY been feeling/expressing. Wolf assured me that I am expressing myself the same as I always have, he hasn't found me to be any more irritable or scattered brained than "normal", and that no... I haven't fallen in to the twilight zone. What a relief, that I'm still my normal brand of odd!

Returning to work has been a drag... not in a horrible, i-hate-my-job way... it's just slung life around to more focus on work issues. Then when I get home at the end of the day it revolves around the kids and what they are/are not doing. I miss my quiet slow days, sleeping in or taking naps, wandering around the property, crafting at whim. I did finally finish the twin sized quilts for the boys, I just need to get pictures up at the other blog.

I'm thirteen weeks post-surgery today. I'm thinking I may try to ride over the Thanksgiving break. The forecast is for rain and cold weather, so we'll have to see how it goes. I need to clean my tack as well, it's been just over a year since I've cleaned or moved the saddles around etc.

History

2008-11-05T11:59:00.003-06:00

I suppose in a no win situation it was inevitable. I think it's sad that most of the comments I've heard about why people voted for him was "to make history". Not because they believe in his agenda, but because they can say "I voted for the first black president I made history happen".

I don't think people realize what kind of history they are making with this.

I don't care about race or religion. I care that Obama has not produced proof that he is a natural born American. I care that he doesn't believe in the flag or it's meaning or our national anthem. I care that he seems bent on turning America in to some type of socialist country that he'll take from people who work their asses off to give to people who sit on their asses doing nothing.

I also care that three black boys jumped my 16 year old white son because they overheard him talking with friends about how he thought McCain would be better because he had more experience being in office and dealing with issues at that level of government. The other three boys yelled that my son was lying and said it was because Obama is black then proceeded to beat on my son.

There's your legacy Mr. Obama... you have given the black populace the ability to do anything they want because no matter what some one says the reason is, they will blame it on race. I frequently wonder why so many black people have such an issue with their own color, why they always seem to have a need to blame every one else for they problems or use the excuse of "the white man keep them down".

I'm a second generation Irish American, my grand parents came to this country for a better life, they learned english and were proud to be American.

It's going to be a long four years.

Fall

2008-10-30T13:27:00.000-05:00

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...

You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings

Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

Full Moon

2008-10-14T14:48:00.003-05:00

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

It made me smile that the "test" pointed me to the Moon card. I've always had a strong affinity with the moon. When I was little and we lived in South Dakota, I remember my room on the second story with it's old hard wood floor and double window. When the moon was full it would shine in on the end of my bed and I would wake up in the middle night sleeping there on the end in the moon beam patch. Once I was older I developed different connections to the moon and it's light, it's pull on the earth... the oceans... and emotions. Danu. I've always found peace sitting outside in the moonlight, it's restful and energizing at the same time.

Slow days

2008-09-21T20:59:00.003-05:00

Life is revolving around crafting lately. It's all I can really do at the moment, so I've been taking advantage of the time and working on projects as I feel like. The rest of the time I read or sleep or wander aimlessly around the property watching the animals and looking at plants. Once the husband gets home after work I keep him company while he does the chores, we get dinner out of the way then on to what ever shows might be on for the evening.

Tomorrow is my 4 week post surgery x-rays, then the Dr. visit on Wednesday. Wolf took both days off to drive me around, maybe we'll do some grocery shopping tomorrow if I'm up to it.

I won't say it's been easy, the first couple of weeks were pretty painful and fairly full of painkillers. I can say I don't regret doing the back surgery at all, it has definitely made a difference. Now it's just finishing up the surface healing and getting the muscles stretching and working again when I can start physical therapy... and of course the bones fusing over the next year and half. I'll get there and already I'm dreaming of riding the horses and training Salera.

Home

2008-09-08T07:50:00.003-05:00

Well, I got back home on August 29th but I've just been kind of "being". Medications being what they are it's been a challenge at times to string any type of thoughts together let alone try to write coherently.

The past few days I've actually gotten back in to the crafting/creating and have gotten close to finishing not just one, but three projects... almost there. Check out Squirrelly Ducks to see those.

Some photos of the beautiful flowers my work sent to the hospital.

Time doesn't stand still

2008-08-13T14:14:00.003-05:00

My oldest son turned 18 this past Monday. High school diploma and transcripts in hand he and his Dad went down to the Navy recruiter and D. signed the papers while Wolf looked on. Navy, going for the nuke program and wanting to be assigned a carrier over submarine. Wolf is proud of him for finally choosing a direction to go with in his life and for going in to the military. I'm feeling flattened and blindsided, some where under there I am proud of him too... it's just not the most prevalent emotion. I never expected him to really do it I guess.

What does a creative, crafting type person do when they sustain an injury or have surgery involving their hands? Nothing. It is the making of a creative persons depression.

My best friend is going through a tough time right now, has been going through it for months really. Torn ligaments, carpel tunnel, entrapped nerve in her right hand. She had surgery yesterday and will be in a cast for 6 weeks or so while healing. Any craft thing I've suggested has been met with "I've tried, can't do that either". I'm unhappy for her and I know it has to be driving her batty. I am hoping the surprise I staged at work will help lift her spirits.

I keep trying to get big projects done, doing more than I should given the back problems. Things need to be done and well, it seems more and more that it's up to me to get them done if I want them done. My back surgery is scheduled for the 26th of this month. I got fitted for my back brace today and have a pre-op appointment this Friday. I'm working on my "calm".

Contemplative

2008-08-06T14:46:00.004-05:00

I am not mainstream in most things and certainly not in my spiritual/religious beliefs either. I came across the term "angelican hermit" and having an idea of it but not really I did a Google on it. After reading an article on it, I got to wondering if there was such a thing as a pagan hermit or pagan contemplative. Using pagan for lack of a better word... could use new age or Native American or Buddhist etc... I googled those. It is interesting the links that show up.

I'm taking this one as from an Atheist view point. Going with the hermit/religious theme I found this intriguing blog. And of course, googling "hermit" often brings up any number of references to this.

While I don't go running around spouting and preaching, I do occasionally love a good theological discussion between open minded people. The type that is a conversational discussion about different perspectives and view points and what-if's that provoke thoughtful, contemplative silences before charging ahead to the next one. I find it fascinating that there are so many different beliefs, some times widely different even in a single culture. I won't say that any person is wrong for believing what they believe, but I reserve the right to respectively disagree.

Obviously I am just fine with my "agreeing to disagree" mindset.

Another End, Another Begining

2008-07-31T16:28:00.002-05:00

Another month flying by, now we're to the end of it.

The youngest, being 16 and invincible, has gotten another job. Supposedly even though it is in fast food the working in the kitchen at this one better. *shaking head* His 200 dollar truck... which looks and runs exactly like you'd expect for that sum... is a 1991 Ford 150 that we allowed him to use some of his savings to get as a fixer-upper. That is the reason he needed another job, because the parents are not paying for him to fix up this poor two-tone brown, beat up beast that we tried to talk him out of. Today he asked his Dad if Dad could spot him money to get radiator fluid, when asked about the money in his checking account from the paycheck he received today... "yeah I have the money in my checking account but I don't want to spend it on that". I would have loved to have seen the incredulous look on Wolf's face as he told K. that we didn't want to spend our money on his truck either.

I need to get some pictures taken and posted over at Squirrelly Ducks, edited in to the posts etc. I really need to get some new pictures of Gary and Floyd as well. Floyd's head is streaking with this gorgeous green. Wouldn't surprise me if he sheds out at molt with completely different colors.

Fun Stuff

2008-07-24T11:11:00.002-05:00

You Are A Lime Tree

You are intelligent, hard working, and innately successful.

You try to change what you can in life - and you accept what you can't change.

Tough on the outside, you are actually soft and relenting.

Jealous at times, you are extremely loyal and giving to those you love.

You have many talents, but you don't have enough time to use them.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

You Are a Meaty Sundae

Wacky, savory, and unconventional.

You're an "acquired taste"... no doubt about it!

What Kind of Sundae Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Each year, you really get into the spirit of Christmas.

Which is much more important to you than nifty presents.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

Bang

2008-07-01T15:29:00.002-05:00

I wonder why I always seem to have at least one neighbor that is just an asshat.

It is not funny to start lighting fireworks and firecrackers in your backyard when it is on the same line as my horse pasture and the horses are standing right at the fence watching the crazy humans.

I try to desensitize my horses to just about any lound, obnoxious sounds. They typically have no problem with fireworks, the far away gunshot, ATV's, lawnmowers... etc. Raven loves to stand and watch the fireworks at night and will intently watch kites flying... I've even seen him watch planes fly over.

The horses are grounded to the west side of the house where their pasture butts up against a cattle field, not a firecracker throwing neighbor to be seen over there.

Squirrelly Ducks

2008-06-30T14:26:00.003-05:00

A new space... to post on my crafting, me trying to think outside of the box.

Squirrelly Ducks

Mosaic from Flickr

2008-06-27T09:35:00.003-05:00

Want to play too?
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name.

1. Stacie and Diesel, 2. antipasta, 3. Friday Night Lights - Bellevue East vs. Bellevue West, 4. Emerald Damselfly, 5. oktober, 6. Two of a Kind, 7. Alba a Orosei., 8. june28_09 copy, 9. Divers-0062, 10. Untitled, 11. Rangi, 12. Nobody Street

So many ideas

2008-06-25T11:37:00.003-05:00

I've been lost in my head thinking of patterns and techniques and things! to do! Even when I'm busy at work or doing other things at home, there's a constant buzz of activity in the background of my thoughts.

I love my husband, he makes me laugh. When I am thinking about and looking at links like this and this and others like this ...

He is looking at things like this
and this and this.

Some times we live in two different worlds, but at least we always have something interesting to talk about.

Finding another new thing

2008-06-18T14:44:00.002-05:00

Habotai silk... in scarves and shawls and sarongs.

I stumbled across a site showing Shibori scarves and puttering through wandering the links found another site to buy the white or black Habotai silk to hand dye.

Oooooo sparkley.

I've been interested in hand dyeing process for some time, I've just not done anything with it. I guess I figured some day in the distant future maybe I'd take a class to learn about dyeing yarn. Now I find this and oh my the possibilities on fabric. Why didn't it occur to me sooner about dyeing fabric?! Some of my most favorite type of fabric is Batik and I've collected a small stash in 100% cotton for quilting that look similar to these.

I have always had a weakness for silk... it's one of my all time favorite fabrics. The thought of playing with colors and painting on silk scarves is a huge draw for me. I hope I get there sooner rather than later.

I could quite happily become a hermit at home working with various textile projects if I didn't have to work.

I think a good process over the next week or two would be to really pay attention to the crafting and textile work I do and decide which ones I love more than others. Then reduce and focus on the ones that I enjoy the most so I don't feel so scattered sometimes.

2008-06-17T16:22:00.003-05:00

I am thinking of maybe an offshoot type of blog. I had mentioned thinking of doing maybe a knitting blog.... but really, that is limiting. Maybe just some sort of crafting blog to put any and all the stuff I go "ooo sparkly" and off I go on another learning a new craft or trying a new technique or sometimes... just falling back on something familiar and easy.

"just the.... almost randomness of being .... like maybe it didn't take so much agonizing and precise cutting and piecing.... it just... evolved." - Me.

Just another day

2008-06-13T09:16:00.002-05:00

Wolf gets back from a week in Utah this afternoon. It's been a bit of a long week managing the house, animals, and kid running/pickup by myself. I haven't turned on my PC at home at all, haven't watched any TV at all. I mostly behaved spending my time outside duck-sitting, reading, and knitting. The evenings have been fairly quiet, still I'll be very happy once he's home.

Well, my birthday was even more non-birthday than I thought.
I find it odd that for all the years I used to tell people I didn't want to do anything for my bday, the past two years I have said yeah I'd like to do something... and this year is the one that no one really did anything. It kinda bummed be out.

38

2008-06-05T11:12:00.002-05:00

Well it's birthday time again. 38. Sigh.

It's strange that when I was 20, 38 seemed like a long time away. Now I look back and think "it's only been 18 years?". No big plans. Think we're just having a quiet evening at home, Wolf and K won't be home until almost 7 so it's not like we'll end up doing much.

K. got his drivers permit and badgers daily to drive... multiple times a day. Typical, D. has suddenly decided he wants to be driving more and put more effort in to getting his drivers license just because K. has made it an obvious option just by badgering. K. also got a job working at the country store about 5 miles from the house and seems to have at least 5 days a week schedule. Too bad D. isn't more motivated on that one.

Last court hearing yesterday, completed all requirements etc etc and the whole thing was dismissed. X amount of the fine is being returned minus court and class cost. Finally that is out of the way.

I haven't been out to the rescue in ages, I really need to call and see how the director is doing. She had shoulder surgery a bit after I did, I felt bad cause K. had finished up so he isn't out helping and now is too busy with work and girlfiend to go out. I can't do much anyway, but the surgery really put me on the sidelines going out to help. Salera Breeze is doing well, I get in a little ground work with her off and on still. She is much more people social now and seems to like Wolf quite a bit... to the point she stands right at her bowl and lets him in her space without moving off at dinner time. She also comes around to see what Wolf is doing if she hears his voice and watches him with bright eyes for a little bit before going back to the horsey business of grazing.

I do have pictures to post... I just haven't gotten there yet. Sigh. I need to get a zip file made up to send to Wolf's parents too. Hopefully I can get that done in the next day or so, preferably before Wolf takes off to Utah next week.

Sudden Changes

2008-05-19T09:08:00.002-05:00

The beginning of April I had an appointment with my neurosurgeon to review the MRI/CATScan/Xrays of my lower back. He pointed out an abnormality he noticed which resulted in trips to the OB/GYN. After being poked, prodded, tested, and ultrasounded I suddenly was in the hospital having a hysterectomy all within a matter of about 3 1/2 weeks. It was a whorl-wind to be sure trying to make sure work was caught up and some one could cover my share of the load there, esp. payroll entry, so long hours and running to dr. appt.'s, trying to finish up K.'s community service time at the rescue and pay these bills etc etc etc. Craaay-zee!

Two weeks after the surgery I'm feeling pretty good even with a fierce bought of insomnia going on that is driving me nuts.

Some where in that time frame, Rhi got some chicks and ducklings.... which made me go "aww I want some!" I miss having chickens and wanted to get some hens for eggs again, oddly enough, and I've wanted to get a couple of ducks for years. So, we now have 4 hen chicks and 2 ducklings! The chicks are Reba (Rhode Island Red), Rocky (Rock Barred), Ruth and Rerun (Buff Orpingtons). I have no idea why they are all 'R' names but it started with Rocky and went from there. To be completely absurd the ducklings are Gary (after the duck in the movie The Pacifer) which K. named, and to match naming a duck so oddly Wolf came up with Floyd for the other one. We have no idea what gender they are yet and I will find it supremely hilarious if they both are girls. We have a lot of fun with the ducks taking them for swims... an old pond shell we never managed to get attached to the goldfish pond does them quite nicely. Ducks are hilarious if quite a bit messy and even Wolf will come out and sit with me duck sitting while they swim.

Right before surgery we got a small section dug up in the larger area I want to have a garden in and got some tomato plants in the ground, as well as planting 2 types of raspberry bushes, 2 blackberry, and 2 green seedless grape vines. So far no one has finished digging up the garden plot for me so I don't know if I'll get anything in besides the tomatoes this year. The goal is to be more self-providing... hence the egg layers and starting the garden. Guess ya gotta start somewhere!

Wolf and both of the boys have been putting in a lot more time outside doing the stuff I want to do but can't due to either my back or because of the surgery. This least weekend they started refencing the back horse pasture, taking down the lines and moving the T-bars out to the actual property lines. It didn't seem like we were that far inside the lines, but it turns out the horses are going to have a lot more graze now. Hopefully they will get that finished up tonight so the horses can be let back over.

I finally got started back on working with my Arabian... I think we're going with the name Breeze for her... yesterday and it tickled me beyond belief. She is a very alert girl, guards her pasture and Imbri like crazy, and makes Raven's life a misery by bossing him all over the pasture. We met the new neighbors that moved in behind us, I like them very much btw, and they told us about how the "white horse" doesn't like the stray dogs or coyotes and will go after them. Heeee!! I haven't seen Breeze go after any, but apparently the neighbors have.

The last 2 weeks since surgery have been a whole lot of sleeping at first, bunches of reading and sitting watching the ducks play in their pond, and not much else. I pissed of Wolf and K. by mowing a bit last Friday and Saturday. Heh. They got over it, but I was told in no uncertain terms that I was to stay away from digging and the fencing. La-tee-da. *rolling eyes*

D. should be getting his diploma this summer after a session of summer school to get the half credit he's missing and will turn 18 in August. Sigh. K. turns 16 tomorrow and is chomping at the bit to be driving and working a full time job and being gone gone gone, he's running after life full-speed mach 10. They are complete opposites.

Well... I want to post some pics later so hopefully I'll manage that today if I decide to deal with the dial-up.

Arabian dream

2008-04-01T12:03:00.004-05:00

Look who came home on March 14th.

Getting her in to the trailer was a mess, but she got loaded and managed the trip well.

Ska's first night home.

The next day while I was working with her.

The director of the rescue named her ShunkaSka... White dog in Lakota. So far I have not found a name for her that sticks, but I'm still looking for one. I had thought Diva would be good for a confident sounding name, it might still stick. I've been calling her "my little diva" and now that she is more comfortable with her new herd and surroundings, she's starting to live up to the name.

I am anxious to get to the point of working with her every day, not just hit and miss. Hopefully my schedule will slow down enough in the next month that I will have a better chance of working on the bond with her and gaining more of her trust.

Catching up

2008-03-05T16:18:00.004-06:00

WTH!? It's March already. Holy cow.

February seems to be a blur to me. Toward the first of the month we had court over the dreaded pencil attack to the shin. K. refrained from pointing out that if he had actually meant to jab some one with a pencil that he would have gone for something a bit more vital than the shin above the ankle. I don't think that would have put him on the judges good side *rolls eyes".

The family services lady told Wolf that our municipal court finds about 98% of all cases guilty, so it's pretty slim that any one gets off regardless. 50 hours community service and FS classes, we go back just before my b-day in June. K. picked the rescue we gave Minuet/Tullie to to do his c.s. at, so three times a week....two nights after work and Saturday mornings have been spent there. I've been thinking of getting a third horse for a while now, preferable something well broke to trail ride and short. Short because it would be easier for me to mount up from the ground. Hmm.

One of the Saturdays I was helping out... I'm out there so I might as well volunteer some time... I went to take one of the horses out that had finished eating and put it back in to the pasture. It was sleeting, freezing rain and slimy red clay mud in the paddock. The first one in line was a small white mare and she quietly walked along beside the slipping slow walking human after giving me a curious sideways glance, led like a dream right at the shoulder without pulling or looking around crazy. I kept thinking about her, figured it was a yearling or maybe coming 2 since she was small. Finally asked about her, she is a 7 or 8 year old Arabian mare that was a cruelty case. Something about being put out in a pasture in the back of a property and just left, don't know if she's broke, she's usually very timid and scared of people.

Well. Now. I've thought of her almost constantly for the past three and a half weeks, told myself I don't know how many times I shouldn't even think of adopting her. I was supposed to have given up my dream of having an Arabian due to the possibility of hotness in one and the limitations I may have with my back... my thinking not anyone elses. White?!! Good lord who wants a white horse?!? Especially in this red dirt state. She's probably not broke. She'll need a lot of time and work to become a trail horse, I don't need another one to have to train. The first time I groomed her in the pen the next Saturday I got to see the skittish side, the horse you barely touch and she moves away quicker than you can blink at the pressure. No... no ... no.... not what I need to be looking for. Last Saturday I again groomed her in the pen she stood quietly, bent her head around a couple of times to just see what I was doing, stayed calm as people walked up to her head on the other side of the panel, didn't figit, and most importantly seemed to actually enjoy the grooming.

I've argued with myself and gone around and around in my head ever since that first curious shy glance walking in the muck. When I take out all the shoulds and shouldn'ts ... it just feels right. So. I need to talk with the director and see if I can be approved as an adopter etc... and I think I'm going to adopt the little white mare that seems to have stolen a piece of my heart in less than a second.

Poof, Gone.

2008-01-31T11:27:00.000-06:00

January seems to have just disappeared, the days are zooming by too fast.

I try to take little moments during the day to slow down a bit and pay more attention, notice the day more so to speak. I can't say it works to make me more mindful of the passage of time. Work days have flown by in a rush of hurry hurry, this this and this have to be done and the day is crammed in to sections.

I took a vacation day today from work. Partly as a mental break from the rush of paperwork and from the recent added stress of animals getting loose, not to mention since it's actually snowing and about 25 degrees I can keep the dogs inside out of the cold. Our pets never get loose, so it was a huge shock to come home to drop K. off from school Tuesday and find my horses in the front yard and a note on the door. A gate had gotten open and a neighbor found them a quarter to a half a mile up the road. Bless his heart, he herded the horses back here and not knowing what else to do put them in the front yard and closed the two fence lines across the driveway. Yesterday I come home to drop K. off from school and find the dog fence gate open and my dogs loose. Thankfully they all seem to be fine, even poor little Siofra that K. found in the ice cold pond unable to get out and Baxter who has a mysterious hole in chest that I now suspect to be a pellet wound. It really shook my secure feeling that my home is a safe haven and the animals will be fine while I am gone to work. We have had high gusting winds up to 60mph or more the past two or three days so it's possible the wind and loose fencing had something to do with it. Rhi and K. think some one is letting them loose on purpose. Both gates are now wired shut so there can be no accidental openings, so if it happens again we'll know it's on purpose.

Tomorrow will be soon enough to leave the dogs to the fate of the weather and to deal with payroll deadlines and inventory updating and railcar issues.

I will put pictures up later as my camera batteries are charging right now, but I finally started on decorating my livingroom in the prim/folk art theme I want. I made 2 20" pillows and 2 14" pillows and just this morning finished handsewing the openings closed on the covers I quilted for them. I absolutely love how they all turned out. Hopefully I will be able to post more later today and get the pictures of them up, right now it's time for some tea and to start on the wall-quilt I want to do to match the pillows.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T16:24:00.000-06:00

We had quiet evening for new years, it just doesn't seem like such a big deal any more. We didn't drink, sat and watched a movie, took K's girlfriend home on the way to D. up from a party he went to. And that was the evening. How boring, eh?!!

Here's hoping 2008 is a good year!

Random Bits

2007-12-29T22:50:00.000-06:00

I can't believe the past two months have just flown by. I guess when you are just trying to get through each day your focus is a bit narrow, then poof it's already the end of the month.

The back thing... had one injection done a few days after the last post. It helped incredibly and the pain management Dr's sent me to physical therapy as well. The P/T has helped in some ways and is helping me to relearn my limits. I am learning to stay within my "pain boundaries"... some days I do better than others. The second week in to therapy I did something to my right shoulder, more P/T and chiro adjustments and seeing my regular Dr.... general consensus is that somehow I sprained some of the tendons etc in my shoulder. More heal time, more no lifting blah blah blah. Sigh. I go back to the pain management Dr's on January 10th and I guess we'll see where I go from there. I guess I am not clear exactly what I am supposed to be accomplishing with all of this other than the fact I need to get in better shape/more toned to support the damaged areas and learn not to push past and/or ignore the pain.

Both of the boys have steady girlfriends. I still have not met D.'s but from what I have heard her parents love him. I have met and spent time with K's and I like her very much. She is good for K and keeps him in check... very independent girl and she expects him to behave. He is very smitten with her and it's funny to see his macho bluster about everything else, but that sweet almost shy smile that pops up any time you mention her name. They are a good match.

Thanksgiving went fine, it was a quiet unassuming day. Rhi hurt her knee the night before so stayed home to keep off of it. December has been a crazy month at work, I've been super busy so most of the days just flew right by before I knew it. There were things I meant to get done and never did. I only just managed to get my secret pal and secret santa gifts finished and mailed the week before Christmas, and the family shopping done the Friday before. This next year I am going to have knitting and quilting and beading projects done months ahead of time and just put it all in a box... that way I can just go through the box and send "this" to my SP or "this" to my secret santa and "this here I made specifically for..." and I can just send that too! There are things... ideas... I have to do for family that live out of state and I don't manage to get them done because I get side tracked on this or that and then suddenly I'm out of time.

Christmas was... unusual. We opened presents on Christmas eve instead of morning because Rhi and B were over. That was hubby's idea and we went with it. My geek of a husband bought me a new computer.... completely unexpected. I told him I would have been happy with girly stuff like lotions or earrings or whatever and I believe I heard him say something about he figured he'd go with what he knows and he knows computers. So. Yeah. New PC, so the other PC trickled down and the one the kids used in the front room trickled down... so both the boys now have their own PC's too. A gift for the whole family in the end. Rhi and B were both in on it. They are both good at keeping secrets... more is the pity. Rhi, bless her little heart, got me and Wolf a set of battery powered power tools! How awesome is that?!! Christmas morning I marched my self outside to cut up a 2x4 to use for bracing on an old old desk and it just made me chuckle... zip zip... clean cuts done quick. It was great! Other than that it was nice break from work... at least until I got back to work after four days off and had to play last minute deadline catch-up with payroll etc.

Now we're just a couple days away from the new year and when I look back I am amazed that the time flew by so quickly. I could have sworn the kids just started school or it was just our Anniversary on Halloween.

I need to make more of an effort to keep this blog up to date. There is so much more that I meant to write down and I just didn't get there.

Round 2

2007-11-06T15:37:00.000-06:00

Well I thought the back was getting better. Then yesterday morning some where between waking up and being awake, I dunno... I stretched or maybe started to turn and lordy the pain. Sigh. It feels just like when it started up almost a month ago.

I called the Dr., had them fax me the MRI report, called my chiro Dr., faxed his office the MRI report, and have an appt after work tonight. I read the MRI report, there are a couple of parts in it ... that concern me. We'll see what the chiro says tonight. He will be honest and tell me if I need to go back to the med Dr., but I am so wanting to avoid getting steriod injections in to my SPINE! and the possibility of surgery, so if the chiro can fix it with out medical poking in to or cutting in to my body... I am much more willing to spend the money.

In other news, I finally broke down and bought a recliner. It's a nice enough smaller type and it does really help when i recline it and just sit there. The problem with that is I can't knit reclined, so I partially recline and knit with little breaks of just kicking it back and doing nothing. Other than knitting I manage getting the laundry done and doing the dishes. The inactivity is driving me bonkers.

Been thinking of maybe making a knitting blog and getting in to some knitting groups. I've had such a fun time with the Secret Pal I'm doing through the horse board, even though who ever is supposed to be my Secret Pal is a real dud I've had a lot of fun finding or making little things to send to the person I am SP for. I've found a few knitting SP or yarn swap things and it does sound like a fun way to send/share/recieve neat yarns, rovings, needles, spindles, etc. I've gotten back in to handpainted yarn again and have built part of my stash back up with that. I am waiting to get some worsted fingering weight wool yarn in the mail to see if I like working with straight wool. It's in some gorgeous fall colors greens rusts oranges, should make an interesting pair of socks I think.

Gads, it's sad when the most interesting things you can think of revolve around knitting and yarn. Sigh.